Their Wits About Them

Over 30 years ago, Denise Caignon and Gail Grove published Her Wits About Her: Self-Defense Success Stories By Women. The book is a compilation of different ways that women have defended themselves against attack, using the tools they had available to them.

IMPACT Chicago shares blogs and Facebook posts of local, national, and international self-defense stories.  Below are some stories that we have shared recently on the IMPACT Chicago blog or on Facebook.  None of the targets of violence were responsible for the violence they experienced. They used their wits, voices, and physical tools to prevent, interrupt, stop, report, or name violence.

Awareness, Assessment, Voice 

• IMPACT grad Michelle Schmitt shares her story of "When Unsafe Behavior Happens in a Safe Space." 

• Amber Stuart explains her decision not to share the details of the violence she experienced as a way to honor the complexity of her experience. 

• Meredith Gordon's daughter, a first grader, told her mom that she had learned about consent in school that day. Sometime later when her pediatrician put his hands on her cheeks, she said: "You need to ask permission before you touch me.” He responded: "You are right. You are the boss of your own body."

• Nathalie Birli paid attention to what her attacker was saying and used what she heard to persuade him to return her to her home and once home, she called the police and he was arrested. 

Yelling, Strikes, and/or Kicks

• A teen who was hit in the head with a hammer when a man attempted to kidnap her fought back. She said yelling and fighting is what saved her. 

• Herron had taken a self-defense workshop three weeks before being attacked in a restroom stall. See the t-shirt she made to show the words she yelled at the would-be rapist and the squiggly lines are the GPS trail of her defending herself.

• A man pushed a University of Chicago student to the ground & tried to put his hand up her skirt. She bit his arm & he ran off. 

• Some boys at a high school who saw a transgender boy's selfie taken in the boys' bathroom were angry and decided they would walk into the girls’ bathroom to take their own selfie “as a form of protest." The first boy to enter the girls’ room was met by a girl ― who kneed him in the groin. With that, the “protest” was over.

• Two men attacked a woman in Bucktown. They pushed her to the ground and one man punched her in the face. She punched one of the men in the groin. The men fled. 

When Unsafe Behavior Happens in a Safe Space

My husband dropped me off at my therapist and went to park the car. I was early so I felt relaxed as I approached the doors leading into the reception area. As I reached toward the door, a man spoke authoritatively: “Don’t touch that door!” and then hit the accessible entrance button. As the door opened I said, “Thank you for opening the door, but you startled me.” He didn’t respond. I walked through the first door toward the second door when he again spoke with authority, “Don’t touch that door!”

This second command triggered flashbacks. When I was 17, a friend of a friend opened a door, cornered me, and then raped me. Now here I was in two places at once. I knew where I was and yet I was frozen. I heard my IMPACT instructors Martha and Mark encouraging me to pay attention and I was aware that my guard was up.

The second door opened as soon as the first door closed and as the man brushed past me he said, “Well, I’m glad that’s finally working again.” He walked into the offices, apparently done testing the doors. I asked the receptionist, “Is that the maintenance man?” She said, “No, he is our CEO.” I asked her to ask him to come out to the reception area.

He came out, moving very close to me, and asked if he could help me. I put up my hands and said, “Take a step back.  You are the CEO for a counseling center. Have you had any training on understanding people who are going through counseling?”

“No, I work on the business side.”

“I’m coming here for therapy and by your behavior you just recreated the situation in which I am receiving counseling for.”

He was embarrassed and reached out his arm to lead me as he said, “Let’s step into my office.”

I put my hands up and said, “Back up. You don’t command someone in a counseling center not to touch a door.” He tried to interrupt me and I wouldn’t let him. I said, “I am telling you this because you are the CEO. You are not listening to me. Stop speaking and hear what I am saying.” When I recognized that he was not listening, I said, “You’ve proven to me that you are not listening to what I’m saying. Go back to your office.”

My head was spinning and I was very angry but I felt Martha on my left and Mark on my right and that they were supporting me while IMPACT was coming out of my mouth. My husband entered the building as I was speaking to the CEO. He told me later that I was very firm, held my ground, and was very articulate. He noticed that I had one hand on my hip and asked me about that. I said, “I was in a position to elbow him if he came after me when I turned to go to my therapist’s office.”  

I was trembling as I went upstairs to my therapist’s office. There was a young man there and I started talking to him. I told him what happened. He was mellow and calm and I noted that. He said his situation happened in an uber car and that he is working on being calm. He said I am in my teens and I’m trying to have a better adult life. I felt so proud of this young man for taking care of himself. I felt so good that I had him to talk to at that moment.  

When I left, the receptionist gave me a hug and said, “You did everything right.”  I took the Core Program in 2003 and then Defense Against Multiple Assailants several years ago. I feel like IMPACT gets stronger for me every year.

Michelle Schmitt

Wow, I Have a Big Voice!

Sheila and Gracie

I was walking my dog one early morning when I observed a man repeatedly striking a mailbox. I immediately got out my phone to call 911. He spotted me and aggressively crossed the street running right at me.  I thought to myself, "OK, this is it. I'm going to have to fight."

It was one of the scariest moments of my life. I thought I was going to have to fight an adult male several times my size. I yelled "Stop, don't come any closer." My loud voice momentarily stopped him and then he started coming toward me again.

Again, I yelled and he stopped again as he came between the parked cars. He spotted my large dog and I continued to yell. He turned and ran away.

I later found out that others had called the police and that he was apprehended a few blocks away. Thank goodness, I didn't have to fight but I was ready. Thank goodness, I had my big voice (and my big dog).

Sheila Hickey

IMPACT Grad

IMPACT Board Member

I Defeated Him. I Took Him Down

After being raped and stabbed 17 times, Melissa Schuster was laying on the floor while the man who attacked her was searching her home. She knew she was going to die if she didn’t do something. She summoned all her strength and ran to her neighbor’s house. Days later, she picked the attacker out of a line up. He has been charged with attempted first-degree murder, aggravated criminal sexual assault, home invasion and armed robbery. Melissa Schuster says: “I defeated him. I took him down. Ultimately, I won in the end.”

For more, see the Chicago Tribune article.

Real Estate Agent Listened to Her Intuition

The Tampa Tribune reports on the arrest of a man who was targeting real estate agents for rape and robbery.

Two real estate agents—in separate incidents-- used their wits to defend themselves. One realtor listened to her intuition and did not enter the house with the man but let him look around on this own. He attacked a second realtor but ran when she told him that the homeowners would be there any minute. The first realtor realized it was the same man when she heard about the attack on the other realtor.

Thanks to Strategic Living for the information.

Catcalling: An Intervention Story

The scene: the sidewalk outside a gym, which has a huge window/glass wall so that exercisers can see out, and pedestrians can see in. A couple of women are working out on the cardio machines. A man stands on the sidewalk, catcalling the women.

I walk up, take in the scene, and say, "That's pretty offensive, sir.

"What?" He says.

"That's pretty offensive."

"I'm lookin' at women!" He exclaims -- the implication being that he is doing nothing wrong.

"Well, they may not want to be looked at!" I say.

He walks away grumbling. One of the women mouths "thank you" through the glass. He of course catcalls me (from a safe distance) as I leave.

Amy Jones, LSW, Violence Prevention Program Manager, Thousand Waves Martial Arts and Self-Defense Center, Chicago.

I Trust Myself to Respond Appropriately to Low-Level Threats

I went to the bank today to exchange foreign currency. Not my regular credit union but near where I live and super culturally diverse. In line with me, and among tellers, there were folks who were Somali, Ethiopian, Latino, lots of different languages being spoken in one place. When I was up at the teller window I was in that hyper focused bubble like you get when dealing with money or engaged in personal conversation or something.

Out if nowhere, a guy taps me on the shoulder and hands me a small bottle of water. No context, just a bump and a small water bottle handed to me. Happened too fast to really have a chance to give consent. Kind of triggered a low level shock response, a bit freezey, then a low-level fight response that sometimes happens when you get bumped or cut off or something. Subtle, low level and I am able to just notice.

So, I watch this guy go down the rest of the line, interrupting people at the window to give them water, which is not an aggressive gesture, kind if care-takey in a way, but oddly out of context. Then, he headed back in my direction. All this took like 30 seconds.

I said, "Hey can I check in with you for a second? When you came by and handed me water, it was a bit if a surprise. At a bank window, it is usually a private thing so I was really surprised to have someone come up and tap me unexpectedly. Like, I wasn't at all expecting that to happen. I teach self-defense and it helps to notice when you do something in a way that might startle people. I worked at the Center for Victims of Torture as an interpreter for a long time and this could be unsettling for people with PTSD."

He says "Thank you. You teach self-defense? Cool. Can I like, take your classes.?" I say, "Well, I usually teach women and kids, but I would be glad to offer a workshop for your staff here about personal safety. He says "I have to go to a meeting" and asks this teller to give me his card. My teller says - "You teach self-defense? I think personal safety is important. Do you have a card."

So, I went to the bank to get some money and ended up getting much more. The fact that I was able to be honest in the moment (without being defended) may have actually gotten me a job and certainly made for an unexpectedly enjoyable time at the bank.

I wanted to share this because it is like after the first time I used self-defense when harassed after my first 6-week SD class 24 years ago. My body knew what to do. Now, my higher brain and my heart do, too. I can find the words to describe my experience in the moment to better respond to really low level threats and do so in a way that helps other people be more conscious of how what they do might affect others (without the charge that makes people feel like they have to be defended). I am trusting myself more and trusting that most people want to act in loving, intentional ways, especially when they have the tools and appropriate support.

Diane Long, founder of Minneapolis-based Kaleidoscope Healing Arts

I fought some bullies today and I won

I had an interesting interaction with some GamerGate bullies today. They were trying to bully a game reporter I follow on Twitter and I called them out on it. At first, they turned their scorn and bile on me. But I continued talking to them. I asked them to explain, to justify their hostility. When they attacked me, I told them I wasn't interested in a fight, but I wanted to hear what they had to say, in their own words. I asked them to convince me of their righteousness, making it clear I disagreed from the onset. They talked of many things, but they stopped shouting, they stopped attacking, they stopped harassing. The violence stopped, for a moment out there. I showed them a modicum of compassion, and listened. We had a discussion, we did not agree, but there was civility, and in the end they were complimenting me. I fought some bullies today and I won, I feel very good about that.

Anonymous

I Took Action Instead of Gawking

While I was waiting at the train platform this morning, I noticed a man further down who was shouting and cursing loudly. At first, I dismissed him. But then, he began spouting racial slurs and directly addressing other people. At that point, everyone was staring, and one man even engaged with him. It could have quickly escalated into violence, since he was verbally threatening people, and getting close to them or the edge of the platform. I pushed the customer assistance button so someone could help or at least be aware of the situation. The point of this story is that Thousand Waves' self-defense teaching (and being a karateka in general) has enabled me to identify potentially unsafe situations and spring into action instead of remaining a gawking bystander.

Jane Kollmer

I acted upon my assessment: A Self-Defense Story

I am pretty sure I averted a robbery last night in the Mexico City metro. My family and I were about as ridiculously conspicuous as could be, the only people dressed in formal wear on the train platform (we were here because my spouse was to officiate at a wedding and we were on our way there).

A group of three people standing about 10 feet away from us went from speaking quietly with one another to one person tilting their head towards my husband, and then moved to within 2 feet of us on an otherwise not crowded platform. I told my spouse and son to move down as the train arrived, so we could just get on another car (hoping this was all in my head and would just be over once we moved), so as the train arrived, we moved down about 20 feet to get on one car down.

The three people ran to get on the same car as us (neither car was crowded when the train arrived) and split up, entering the car behind us through both doors and sitting spread out from one another across the car. I made very solid, uncomfortably long and serious eye contact with the individual sitting nearest to me (while I stood with my back against the doors). Scanning the train, I also saw that a train security officer was in our car. I made eye contact with him as well.

When we left the train, I was prepared to make noise, and the security officer held up the train, making eye contact again with us (I nodded and said in Spanish that we were okay) before the train pulled off with the three people still on it.

I'll never know whether they intended to rob or otherwise harm us, and I am fine with that. It was an uncomfortable situation where my first benefit-of-the-doubt assessment revealed that something was not right about the situation, and I acted upon that assessment. We've ridden the metro several times since then with increased awareness and have encountered nothing but grace from our fellow riders.

Thank you to everyone who has taught and practiced self-defense with me for helping me manage this situation, whatever it was, and helping me develop tools to make myself and others around me safe in the places where I want to be. Thank you Sei Shihan Nancy Lanoue, for having us practice physical self-defense last Wednesday in black belt class!

Kate, Thousand Waves Martial Arts and Self-Defense Center

Interrupting Creepy Behavior

I entered the subway and saw a well-dressed young man, white shirt, tie, dark pants, with a small backpack, who would not have caught my attention, except he looked like he was going to speak to me, then thought better of it (maybe he wanted directions). I sat down on a bench nearby and then saw him engage a pretty, young woman. I heard him ask her name, she answered, he stuck out his hand, which she shook briefly, and he started asking her personal questions. My senses went on high alert and I stared hard at the young woman (his back was now to me). She widened her eyes at me in panic mode and I instantly stood up and said in a loud voice: “Hey Sue! [the name I heard her give him] Come over and sit by me!" She hurried over, while he stayed where he was, a few yards from us. I whispered my name to her, and we proceeded to talk as if we were old friends. When the train arrived, he stayed on the platform. As benign as it sounds, the whole episode felt creepy. Sue, (not her actual name) was shaken, said she usually felt helpless in situations like that and was glad that I intervened. I told her I was a self-defense teacher and recommended a self-defense course at Center for Anti-Violence Education, which helps people set strong verbal boundaries, among other skills.

Ryn Hodes, Brooklyn NY, Trained as a self-defense teacher at Center for Anti-Violence Education and certified by NWMAF

From the 1990 Archives: I Projected My Voice at the Moment I Needed It

I was leaving my job. I have always felt safe enough to park my car around the corner under the expressway. This day was like any other; at least I thought so as I walked to my car. I looked around and saw cars leaving their parking spaces from nearby factories. I didn’t think of much, but “Thank God it is time to go home.” I unlocked the passenger side door, placed my purse on the seat, locked the door, and then walked around to the driver’s side. A car drove by and a man got out and approached me. At first I thought he was lost. As he got closer I said “What do you want?” in an authoritative voice. He replied: “I want your purse.”

My adrenaline started pumping. I immediately centered my energy on the man and assessed the situation. As he started to reach for something in his jacket—God only knows what. I yelled louder: “Don’t give me no shit.” “I don’t need this.” “Get away from me.”

As I got louder, he looked around but before he could take out what was in his jacket, the driver of the car yelled, “Let’s go, Now!” I got in my car and locked the doors, watching the car drive away. I sat in the car a while, a bit shaken but fully aware that I had taken control of the situation. I made a police report as soon as I got home.

[Before taking the IMPACT Core Program], I never thought I could project at the moment it was needed. I was able to channel my fright into a fight response, and what’s even more exciting is that I feel empowered to freely pursue my life.

Felice

For more about the power of using our voice, check out the November 4 blog, “Verbal Boundaries are Tested Far More Than Physical Ones.”

It's Not a Life Sentence, Henry Rollins

by M. Sophia Newman


Boy meets girl, boy rapes girl, girl has a fabulous life anyway. I won.

Oh, for the love of God.

There have been a million different stories about the Steubenville rape case by now. The facts are well-established. (If you’ve missed them, here they are in review: a group of American high school students at a party hauled an unconscious classmate from place to place, raped her, urinated on her, and filmed themselves laughing at these violations. One boy posted a video about the incident on Youtube, where it went viral. The outcry prompted an investigation, which ended this week with the conviction of two boys, Trent Mays and Ma’lik Richmond. Both will spend a year or more in prison.)

The whole thing has been commented to death by now. Yesterday’s controversy revolved around CNN’s overly sympathetic treatment of the rapists. Countless blog posts and Gawker articles and who knows what all have been written.

Many comment on the leniency of the prison sentences. Famous punk rocker of yesteryear Henry Rollins wrote a blog post that noted this specific injustice at length. Then he added, “I have yet to say anything about the damage to the young woman involved. It is ironic and sad that the person who is going to do a life sentence is her.”

Like many people, I sympathize with the rape victim. And my sympathy makes this comment essential: Rollins' statement is disturbing and false.

Actually, I might sympathize more closely with the rape victim than many people, having lived through violence myself.

Someone raped me when I was 21. Being violated caused me tremendous, heart-shattering fear, like it does for many victims. I wondered how I could possibly live with the knowledge of my rapist’s stark, hideous disdain for me. When I told friends I trusted – asking only that the guy, who we all knew, get some counseling – they stunned me by sending an email to dozens of members of our shared social network, insisting I had lied and I was “ruining [the rapist’s] life.” The disrespect and victim-blaming were roughly similar to some aspects of the events in Steubenville.

Years later, I would read health research that established what I learned firsthand: it is not the rape itself that causes long-lasting trauma, but the victim-blaming that comes afterwards. Being raped was an encounter with something deeply sinister. But being deliberately bullied and denied help precisely because I had encountered this sinister destruction was a uniquely evil act. It implied a downward spiral of victimization awaited me. With deeply ugly memories of rape still ringing in my head, the terror of being treated as even more subhuman made me wish for death.

But I did not die.

Instead, I went to work.

“I want to congratulate you, Sophia,” my social worker told me some years later. “People who get treated like you got treated end up on heroin.”

I didn’t take heroin, nor any drugs at all (although I can see why victims wish to numb their pain). I didn’t have time for that. I was too busy with graduate school.

In my master’s program, I studied violence prevention closely. I also lived in a Zen temple, where I meditated fifteen hours a week. I took self-defense classes, and later helped teach them. I went to counseling sessions faithfully for a year. I worked, in other words, as hard as it was humanly possible to work to heal the brain injury that the rape had caused me. Through relentless effort, I rebuilt my life.

No justice ever came to my rapist. There was no court case, no conviction, no compensation. The people who slandered me publicly have never apologized or acknowledged their wrong-doing. I worked, but society mostly didn't work with me.

But I won anyway.

I had friends who supported me. I found a community of progressive martial artists and self-defense people. I developed a meditation practice I truly love. My brain damage healed while I earned my public health degree, and when I finished, they inducted me into the honor society. Then I won the Fulbright Fellowship – and when I went to the doctor to complete my medical clearance papers, he looked at my health history, said, “You don't have this problem anymore,” and archived those medical records.

I got well. I got my life back. I won completely.

Between the day I got raped and the moment I was officially well, eight years passed. That was much longer than it should have been. I wish I had been helped much earlier and not blamed for the crime my rapist committed.

But here’s the math, Henry Rollins: eight years is not a life sentence.

Actually, rape is not a life sentence for most victims. It is a particularly potent form of violence, and the intense stigma and victim-blaming are why its traumatic effects last so long.

But the reality is that most people who are traumatized are resilient. Most people get better, whether with professional help or the support of their communities. They get well, move on, and often have very good lives. I am living proof of this.

Insisting that the worst five hours of the Steubenville rape victim’s life will degrade all of her entire remaining fifty years is not friendly, and it is not factually accurate. It places additional stigma on the victim by assuming she is irrevocably damaged. It asks that she remain in the prison of rape trauma for far longer than is natural or necessary. It is an unjust imposition on this young woman.

I have faith that the victim in Steubenville will one day be fine. I applaud her for pursuing justice, and I hope this week’s verdicts bring her some relief. I hope she gets all the help she needs.

And for myself, I must insist: I served all the time that I have to serve in the prison of rape trauma and stigma. I worked to earn my liberation, even though I never did anything wrong in the first place. I deserve to be free now.

Really, I already am.

I plan to use my liberty to go back to mostly ignoring Henry Rollins.

UPDATE (March 21, 2013)

When I wrote this article yesterday, I retrieved Henry Rollins' email address from his website, and sent this link, saying, "I can tell from your words that you are sympathetic to the plight of rape survivors. I appreciate that. But I take exception to your remark that the victim in the Steubenville rape case is serving a 'life sentence.'"

Henry himself responded a few hours later. His response was exceedingly kind and respectful, and ended with the line, "Things get better when we stand up to this brutality."

Considering I was directly criticizing a guy who first got famous for his screaming vocals (as the lead singer for the seminal hardcore band Black Flag and a hard rock act called Rollins Band) and for generally being an angry guy, the classy response was rather unexpected and even a little sweet.

It feels so good, in fact, that he made the last sentence of my essay wrong. Since yesterday, I'm not ignoring Henry Rollins much at all. In fact, I've been on a huge Black Flag kick all day. Thanks, Henry. 

For more of M. Sophia Newman's writing, check out her blog https://msophianewman.squarespace.com/blog/

I Said No to Unwanted Touch

It was about 7pm in the evening when I walked home from school; the sun was still out. I live on a pretty busy, main street and sometimes I take the back road by the university park because it's quicker. Ironically, that day I decided to walk on the main street, thinking, 'I'll just take it so it is safer.' That day, it didn't matter whether it was a busy street or not. Along the sidewalk, a woman was walking her dog a little ahead of me and a man was hanging out in front of the 7-11. He was a familiar man who I've seen frequent the main street, especially during the summertime, asking people for money. I walked past him, we made eye contact and he asked me for change. I said "Sorry" and kept walking. In the matter of a second, he reached out his right hand and went to grab my left arm, all the while saying something under his breath with a creepy smirk on his face and all I heard was "so pretty."

Instinctively, I moved my arm out of the way as his fingertips brushed my left arm and the firm words "No. No." escaped from my mouth. Just as unexpectedly and quickly as it happened, it also quickly ended. He didn't pursue me and I walked on - calm, but felt the fire burning inside. My hands were gloved, but I was 100% certain that if it really had to, the heel of my right hand would have popped him in the nose/face. I knew my body was going to protect me, even before I could think it. Perhaps that's why I felt so calm walking on, yet fierce inside…ready for a fight. My awareness was heightened, as I kept walking and turning back to check and see that he was not following me, until I made it back to my place.

I suppose I might've been in sort of a daze, because the reality of what just happened hadn't caught up to me yet. It was only after I placed a call into the non-emergency campus police to notify them of the event and after I shared what happened with my friends and family, that I then felt the tightness in my chest. It was my body remembering the event, almost like the traumatic energy was trapped inside. I kept thinking back on what I could have done differently - I should have screamed out loud "NO! DON'T TOUCH ME! BACK OFF! I DON'T KNOW YOU! HELP!" or I should have let the heel of my hand strike him in the face so hard he wouldn't know what hit him. I should have kept my distance before I passed him. All of these thoughts came to me after the event - all of the strategies I had learned at IMPACT. I almost doubted myself, feeling embarrassed and ashamed that I hadn't done more; more for myself, more for others who were, could have been or will be victims of such events.

But, I thought, the bottom line is: I am safe. And I would have done all those things in my after-thoughts, had the situation truly required me to do so for my safety. Although I wasn't physically harmed, the man's intent of physically putting his hands on me should not be minimized and is a serious matter. It is NOT OK and NEVER WILL IT BE OK to lay a hand on someone else without their permission.

I feel like this event was a wake-up reminder, to stay on my toes, sustain my awareness of my
surroundings and never take for granted the value of my safety. I was proud of myself; I felt empowered. I trusted my instincts and my body. This wouldn't have been possible had I not taken the Core Program at IMPACT Chicago. I am forever indebted to this program and to my instructors, the assistants and my fellow classmates. I ended up sharing what happened with a few of my classmates and one of them expressed, 'I'm so glad you are  ok, so glad the training kicked in! I hope you heard me screaming "no" as loud as I could in your head when that happened. We stand for each other.'

That's how I will always remember it: we are in it together, all of us who face these kinds of events. We stand with and for each other, to say NO to violence and YES to life.

Linda Tran, IMPACT Graduate

Flying Chairs and Flying Punches: I Stopped A Fight

I work at a shelter for the homeless. I have volunteered doing street outreach and working at shelters for the past twenty years. Due to my own experiences growing up, I often hear myself say, “I feel at home with our homeless”. I understand how easily someone’s life can turn and it is often one decision, one choice or one circumstance that differentiates someone from experiencing health and a more manageable road in life versus someone who experiences addiction and mental illness.

At the shelter where I work, many of our guests are not welcome at other local shelters due to their aggressive nature and addictions. And, at the same time, we have families, couples and individuals come who simply do not have enough money to put food on their table; however, they do have a place to sleep. It is a mix of ages, genders, backgrounds and needs. Due to the variety of guests, it can be a difficult environment to manage.

From time to time, tension mounts at the shelter and we know ahead of time there is going to be trouble. This is what happened on a Saturday evening, when we were short on volunteers. When we get opposing groups at the shelter, we know things can go from bad to worse very quickly. Typically, the groups stay at opposite ends of the dining hall and keep separate but on Saturday night tensions grew. On Friday at the local soup kitchen, there was a stabbing which involved members of these two groups. Our coordinator came to me and she asked who, from my team, would be willing to leave the kitchen if she was in need of help. I told her that I would be willing to assist, as well as one other member of my team who has past experience working at a men’s shelter. As I was uneasy, I shared some options and ideas with her to ensure safety.

Just when everything felt calm and I was doing a walk-through in the dining hall and clearing up some tables, something drew my attention. I found myself between two opposing members who were posturing at one another. There wasn’t a lot of time to move except to dodge a lunged punch, that was not meant for me, and then to move out of the way of a flying chair, again, not meant for me. Then, my voice just happened. In a few seconds, everything was calm again but so much happened in those few seconds. I yelled “stop”, “no fighting”, “no fighting” and kept repeating myself holding my arms up. I did not scream...I was yelling and kept repeating the same thing. My energy grew and my energy and words accomplished two things: first of all, the two stopped fighting and trying to get to one another and were backing up, as though my energy was pushing them and, secondly, it created space between them, but, also space away from me. The more I kept repeating, the more space was created. Within seconds, the coordinator and my friend from the kitchen joined me between them and secured the space. Then, I was able to calmly talk them down and split them up between two other workers to take it from there.

What was different this time, from other times over the past twenty years, is the confidence, belief and energy that was within me – particularly the energy! This wasn’t a new situation, but each time in the past I felt the adrenaline rush and it would take time to come down from the adrenalized state. But, this was different; my energy was big, I was bigger than before, I was more resourceful and I had the energy of my entire class circle with me which, I believe, acted in a way to create space. All of the women’s energy and the energy of Rob and Ben (suited instructors) was with me along with my own. No weapons were drawn, groups were separated and people were escorted to different locations. Our coordinator shook her head and smiled, as she said it surprised her how someone with a gentle presence could be so powerful.

The newest part of this experience for me is, while I had all of your energy with me and the energy of my circle after things were defused, I realized I went from zero to 60 and from 60 to zero, but didn’t have the same intense adrenaline response I would have had to work through before. My body felt natural for the first time, while responding in that state, and then in returning to visiting with guests. That was new for me. That night when I went to bed, I worked through all of the emotions that come with a situation like that, all the thoughts and “what if’s”, but, worked through them more quickly than in the past, reassuring myself and creating strong feelings of safety. The process of creating my safety happened in moments as I was falling into a restful sleep which, in the past, would have taken me some time...even days.

Patricia, 2012, IMPACT Core Program graduate

Five Seconds: Defending Myself Against an Armed Robber

I was visiting my mother in Michigan and we were meeting my sister for dinner at a local restaurant. As I dropped my mother off at the restaurant door I noticed three boys walking through the parking lot. As I went to park the car, I saw they had turned around and come back rather than just passing through. I had a hunch that they were trouble and thought they were looking for cars to break into. I parked under a light and walked toward the restaurant door, planning to tell the management about the boys. As I was walking, I heard a voice, “Give me all your money.” When I turned to face him, I saw the older one (no more than 13 or 14) pointing a gun at me. The other two were younger.
I knocked his gun arm so that it wasn’t pointing at me. He backed up and again pointed the gun at me. He had created enough distance that I did not move toward him. I dropped to the ground and yelled, “help”. My voice sounded weak and high and I thought “no one is going to respond to that”. I found my IMPACT voice and yelled “POLICE!” over and over again, very loud, very forceful, and they ran away. The entire incident lasted seconds. The police arrived quickly. They said they had seen the boys running away from the restaurant, but didn’t consider them suspects because they were so little. The entire attack felt like it lasted about 5 seconds. In reality it might have been a few more. It held that weird pliability of time that felt as though it was lasting forever and fleeting at the same time.
I took the IMPACT Core Program in 1990, and shortly after I took Defense Against an Armed Rapist. I was a class assistant for many years. I haven’t assisted or taken an IMPACT course in over 6 years. Even with that time gap, trusting myself and using my voice were immediate instinctive reactions. And while I responded instinctively, I also had fully formed thoughts flowing through my head constantly within the very short amount of time the attack lasted.
Thoughts about those moments:
1. When I saw the gun, their demand for all my money had no meaning for me because in the moment I had no memory of having a purse or any possessions. I wasn’t trying to keep my purse, I just didn’t realize I had it.
2. Nothing went as I would have planned or imagined. I’ve had moments when find myself with the “could have/should haves” but am trying not to get stuck there, but rather celebrate my instincts that ultimately lead to my safety.
3. My voice saved my life.
4. I had no bruise or physical consequence from dropping to the ground.
Thoughts about taking care of myself
1. I considered returning home but stuck with my original plan to stay 3 more days, which allowed me to stay in the area, return to the restaurant (where I had a reservation the next day with a friend), and see that I could carry on with my planned activities while I processed the attack.
2. I talked extensively with my husband by phone. He was available whenever I wanted to talk, listened to all I had to say and was tremendously supportive.
3. I also received lots of support from another IMPACT graduate who had been robbed by someone with a gun, as well as various family members from both my family and my husbands, and a handful of friends.
4. I realized quickly, however, that many people didn’t know how to give me support. Some people were cavalier; others focused on their own or someone else’s experience without connecting it to what had just happened to me. I took care of myself by acknowledging their love, but accepting that they didn’t know how to give it to me in this situation and not discussing it further with them if they asked about it again. Most did not ever ask about it again, so that made it easier, even while demonstrating their complete unwillingness to deal with such an uncomfortable topic. This information is valuable because should I have another traumatic experience I will know the short list of people to surround myself with.
5. The night of the attack I wrote about what happened; not so much what I was feeling because I wasn’t even sure what that was. I wrote the details, getting all of it out of my head and onto paper.
6. As the days went by I honored every single thing that came up for me and took respite when I needed it.
7. I have found that I am doing all the things I did before the attack, but in certain places or times I find myself wary in a way I was not before. Not negative, just different. But I have not avoided one thing
that I’ve wanted to do, changed the way I live or how I walk in the world because of the attack. I continue to process it as necessary.
Just seconds — I faced an armed robber, I trusted my instincts, and I used my voice.
I am so grateful to IMPACT for all it has given me. It has equipped me with the tools I need to live in this world. My self-confidence and sense of self-worth have grown beyond measure. It has proven itself time and time again in my ability to create and maintain boundaries, hold my head high, protect myself and in this latest instance protect my life. Perhaps I didn’t do textbook IMPACT work, but I did honest and instinctive IMPACT work. And that worked.
Tammy DeBoer, IMPACT Chicago graduate

Thinking It Through Made Him Think Twice

Monday night, hungry after class, I stopped by the drug store in my neighborhood. As I pulled up on my bike, I noticed a man hanging around the entrance. I thought he was going to ask me a question, but he seemed to change his mind. I assumed he was waiting for someone. Yet something about his body language drew my curiosity. The nosier I became, the more he turned away from me. He seemed aimless, yet expectant. And I wondered, is this guy waiting for me to turn my back to spring?

I checked my bike and I fiddled around with my helmet, taking my time to suss him out. If he planned on mugging me, I wanted to face him. I wanted to see him coming. I wanted it to happen on my own time, and not by surprise. I wanted to look him in the eye.

After half-a-minute, the moment had passed. I decided he wasn’t going to do anything. He had receded deeply into the shadows. My bike was firmly locked up (twice!). I went into the store with no thought now but my empty stomach.

As I approached the counter to pay for my box of Kraft Dinner (yes, I was desperate), a visibly shaken man rushed into the store and asked to use the phone. Someone had just attempted to mug him a few yards from the entrance. The assailant’s description fit what I had seen, and the mugging was attempted at knife-point and with pepper spray.

So why didn’t the mugger attack me? Who knows?! But I know what I did: I stood my ground. I looked. I assessed. By taking my time, by owning my space, I let him know I controlled this situation. Above all, I listened to my instinct and I didn’t dismiss it as paranoia. All these things, I learned in my IMPACT class in 1995. My self-defense skills still work, 17 years later. Next time, I will call attention to a creepy person before they have a chance to act, now that I trust my gut feeling. Nine-One-One!

When I graduated from the Core Program, my instructor, Margaret, said “Congratulations! Now that you know how to fight, you might not have to do it.” In this case, she was right: the other self-defense skills I’d learned stood me in good stead, preventing the need for full-impact self-defense. The confidence that I could take him down increased my understanding and awareness of what might be going on. And the evening’s bonus: my bike and I rode home in style, in the squad car.

AC Racette

I Stopped a Break-In

Lisa Amoroso, IMPACT graduate 1991 and Board Member

My IMPACT training helped me deal with a situation when someone recently tried to break into my backdoor while I was home. I had lots of adrenaline, but I was able to quickly assess the situation and my options. I assessed that he thought the house was empty and was not looking to sexually assault me. My decision was to yell 9-1-1 loudly and hold up the phone, the robber was about as surprised as I was and left, quickly. What I appreciated was that IMPACT had already given me opportunities to consider my options and react in an adrenalized state.

For me, the IMPACT training was transformative, which is why I have volunteered for IMPACT for over two decades. What I gained from IMPACT went well beyond effective, physical fighting skills. I increased my ability and confidence to set boundaries and make positive changes, to express my preferences, and to live with less fear. IMPACT training helped me keep in check some of the anxiety that comes along with being female in certain situations (e.g., a vacant parking garage). IMPACT helped me by giving me the tools I needed to handle potential volatile situations constructively. And now, it helped me stop a break-in.

Awareness and Assertiveness

It was Saturday night around midnight and a friend had just dropped me off at my house.
I live in a corner coach house so there’s only one way to get into my house, through
a locked gate into the yard (my front yard/the three flat’s back yard). As I heard my
friend’s car take off, I turned the knob on the gate and as soon as I opened it a guy
stumbled out from between the three flat and the next door neighbor’s fence. I stayed
outside, lowered my voice a bit and said “Who are you?” He replied “a friend of Paula’s”
and walked right past me out the gate. I quickly locked the gate behind me, ran into
my house and locked the door. I hadn’t really thought too much of him or even paid
attention to where he went because Paula is one of my neighbors who lives in the three
flat. As I thought about it I realized that he popped out of a spot where he must have
hopped a fence and he must have been peeking into Paula’s window at the side of her
apartment.

I let Paula know about the incident the next day and she immediately came over to talk
about it. No one had contacted her the night before or knocked on her door and she
was home around that time. She had an idea of who it might be but I wasn’t very helpful
when she later brought a picture to me. I emailed the rest of the condo association to be
alert, keep the gates locked, and to let Paula know if they see anyone suspicious.

Thankfully this was not more than, what seemed like, a drunk intruder who was pretty
easy to get rid of, but thanks to my IMPACT training, I was able to stand my ground and
use my verbal boundary setting skills. Now, more than ever, I’m making sure to scan the
premises whenever I walk in and I make sure to ask people who are dropping me off to
wait until I get in and turn on the lights.

Colleen Norton,
IMPACT graduate
Publicity Committee

Calmness in Crisis

For the last three years, I commuted to work by bicycle (year round) on the bike/pedestrian path along the lake without incident. I worked at a restaurant so I often was returning home as late as 11 or 12:30 at night. For my job, I had to wear very formal clothes but was not provided with a locker like most other employees so I often carried my work clothes on a hanger draped on my handlebars. When I first started riding, I used to plan on using my heavy bike lock as a weapon if attacked. I never carried pepper spray. On the night in question, my work clothes were blocking access to my bike lock. I was also carrying a large over-the-shoulder purse instead of my usual backpack. I was not listening to music or anything, but I was lost in my thoughts, not paying attention to my surroundings.

I ride a very old bike and other cyclists pass me all the time, though this night it was 12:30 and there were very few passerby. Suddenly, there was another bicyclist riding alongside me shouting “Give me the bag, bitch!” and holding a foot-long kitchen knife high above his head. I didn’t give it to him, screamed and he kept riding closer to me until I swerved off the path onto the sand. He didn’t shove me or anything; in fact, there was no physical contact the whole time. But I hopped off my bike and then we were standing face-to-face. He held the knife above his head again and said “Give me the bag, bitch! I’ll cut you, bitch!”

At first, I screamed loudly again. Then I realized no one else seemed to be along the path and I stopped screaming. Astoundingly, although hyper-alert, I became incredibly calm. I said, “Well, I don’t wanna give you my whole bag; I’ll give you some cash” and I started taking out the contents of my bag piece by piece. Then he said “Hurry up, bitch! I’ll cut you bitch!”
“See, these are my work clothes; this is a dress so you don’t want that right?”
“Uh, naw, keep that,” he said. “Hurry up!”

With a slightly annoyed but patient tone I said, “I will, just give me a minute.”

The only cash I had ($10) was a wad of singles in my purse and I took a few out and gave them to the mugger as I began to empty its contents. He saw my iPod inside and demanded that and my wallet so I gave it to him, but not my whole bag or my whole purse inside. I took out my cell phone and put it in my back pocket. “What was that?! You put something in your pocket!” he shouted. I replied, “Don’t worry about that. I’ve got some more cash in here.” (And he did, indeed, forget about the phone.)

I tossed out the rest of my money onto the ground, a few other sundry things from my bag. “This is a tampon, so you probably don’t want that,” I said. “You don’t have to throw sh** at me!” he said. Then, “Give me that black bag!” so I tossed it to him. “That’s just my make-up in there,” I said. “You can keep that,” he said and tossed the black bag back to me. He appeared a bit nervous and got on his bike. “Be on your way,” he said as he began to ride away, but it sounded mumbled. I said, “What?” and he said, “Be on your way.”

I picked up my belongings, pulled out my cell phone and called 911. About 2 minutes later, another bicyclist was riding by and I asked him if he’d wait with me for the police and he agreed readily. The squad car had a hard time finding us (despite the fact that I knew my location within two blocks). When they arrived, I told them what happened and they were polite enough but said, “So, you don’t want to file a report, ‘cos he only got ten bucks?” I was incredulous a moment and took a breath. “I’m calm because I want to explain to you what happened—it doesn’t mean it wasn’t a big deal. He can’t just go around waving a knife at people. Yes I do want to file a report.”

One of the most disturbing aspects of the incident to me was that I had no idea how to defend myself physically; it seemed like I froze up. I considered seeking psychotherapy, which I do think has a place, but I decided what I really was looking for was to feel more capable of defending myself. It was a significant financial investment at the time to enroll in the IMPACT program, but it provided what I needed. Reflecting on the incident, I know that I have the ability to find a type of calmness in a crisis situation and now I have other tools to respond with.

I don’t know how I could have moved forward with my life or discovered this type of confidence without IMPACT. Thank you so much and I look forward to finding a way to volunteer with the organization.

SH, IMPACT Chicago Core Program grad