"Five Fingers" of Being An Ally

Think ♦ Listen ♦ Connect ♦ Check ♦ Reflect

Think

• What are the most relevant positions of privilege and oppression in this situation?

• What is your combination of privilege and oppression? 

• What are the combinations of privilege and oppression of others?

• What are possible communication dynamics with these combinations of privilege and oppression and how might they affect communication.

Listen

• Open your mind and your ears to hear words and feelings

• Release judgment

• Make no comparisons

• Try imagining the world or situation through others’ points-of-view

• What might your challenges be in listening?

Connect

• Give your full attention to the person speaking

• Make “soft” eye contact 

• Use open body language

• Project warmth and empathy

• Be or stay open to learning from those you wish to support as an ally

• Note your feelings, including any discomfort but set that aside for the moment. 

• What challenges might you face in connecting?

Check

• Say in your own words what you have heard/witnessed

• Ask what might you offer or do in the way of personal or organizational support

• Check that what you can offer is helpful 

• What challenges might you face in checking in with others?

Reflect

• What have you learned about the issue, yourself, your beliefs, your behavior? 

• What steps can you take to make your beliefs and behavior more consistent (not perfection)?

• What challenges might you face as you reflect on your own beliefs and actions (or lack of action)? 

Developed by Pamela Robert and Martha Thompson, 2014 Thousand Waves Martial Arts and Self-Defense Center Meditations on Activism: On Being an Ally (updated 2020). Adapted from “Five Fingers of Self-Defense,”an approach to teaching self-defense to women and girls created by women martial artists in the 1970s: Think, Yell, Run, Fight, Tell.

Being a Still Presence

Today I had to use the 5 Fingers of Self Defense, but in defense of another person.

I got on the train home and just after a few minutes a man became angry and started shouting obscenities at a woman sitting alone and encumbered with boxes directly across from him. His threats were violent and his body language suggested to me he was about to snap. She was stunned and terrified. One man spoke up, was shouted down by the angry man and he fled at the next stop.

I got up and walked to the woman and asked if I could join her in the empty seat next to her. She said "yes" and I sat down. Another man near me thanked me under his breath and also fled at the next stop. I said nothing to the angry man and made no threatening move towards him. I kept my bag loose and ready to use as a shield and prepared myself to intervene if the angry man continued his tirade and jerky movements. I made sure to say nothing to the man and keep myself neutral but alert and confident.

Once I sat he became still and quiet, glaring at me and then left after a few more stops before the train left the Loop. It took all my self-control to stay calm and loose but ready.

I made small talk with the woman after the angry man left and we discussed what happened. She wanted to scream and run from the man, and I don't blame her, his aggression was genuinely terrifying. But she said she thought that if she ran he would follow her and continued his abuse and possibly attack. I agreed, I felt that if I could inject my presence, a large man, as a buffer or a complication to whatever was on the man's mind I could stop whatever horrible story was about to unfold before me.

Sometimes that's enough to stop violence. Just being a still presence. Not threatening, no displays of power, just be there and support.

As to the other fingers, I "thought" by being aware of my surroundings and observing events unfolding before me. The other man tried to "yell" but that didn't work. She couldn't "run" but I could "run" to her aid, so I did. The fight never happened, and everybody is probably relieved about that. And this story is my "tell."

Christopher Lamitie

Advanced Green Belt

Thousand Waves Martial Art and Self-Defense Center