How A Self-Defense Program Made Me A Better Therapist: Part 2: Using My Body

"Your power is in your lower body, use it!” yelled my instructor as a man laid on top of me holding my wrists at my sides. His body weight pushed me into the mat, and I could barely move. I took a breath, then flipped him onto his back and kicked him repeatedly in the head. Women were screaming and clapping as he put his hands on his head, a sign of defeat.

At 34 years old, I completed IMPACT’s Core Program, and it was the first time I was given “permission” to physically defend myself. I was saddened by the realization that I needed permission. Why would I need someone’s permission to keep myself safe? With some self-reflection and a good therapist, I made a discovery. My parents never defended themselves; they both froze whenever they were physically or emotionally threatened. Moreover, teachers, daycare providers, and community members taught me that girls should ignore those who physically assault them. I can still hear their lessons: “Just ignore them,” “You’ll just make it worse,” and “Don’t give them a reason to hurt you worse.” Sadly, statistics indicate that the opposite is true. People who seek to harm others target those who appear as if they won’t fight back. Simply put, if an assailant thinks you’ll fight back, they are more likely to leave you alone and look for another target. You’re just not worth the trouble. Have I been unknowingly sending signals that I’m an easy target? Yes, I had been.

I gradually learned to give myself permission to use my body to protect myself and I began to physically assert myself in my life. I perfected my walk - fast paced, shoulders back, and not hesitant to look you in the eye. My walk communicates that I intend to fight back if threatened. I began walking around those who walk at a slower pace, instead of meekly walking behind them. I started pushing my chest out while sitting and I noticed how empowering it felt to take up space. A year later I completed an advanced IMPACT program called Defense Against an Armed Rapist, as I realized that feeling comfortable using my body to defend myself is something that may never come automatically, but is something that I need to practice continually.  

My experiences helped me integrate somatic interventions into my work as a trauma therapist. Like me, my clients experience obstacles that make it difficult for them to use their bodies to protect themselves. Some clients believe that their bodies are unsafe, others were punished as children for protecting themselves, and some have biological trauma responses (Flight, Fight, Freeze, and Faun) that are stuck in their bodies. After IMPACT, I began focusing more on my clients’ physical reactions. I began encouraging clients to use their bodies in order to process trauma, physically comfort their inner child(ren), and learn to keep calm under stressful or threatening circumstances. I noticed that some clients started to make more progress as they integrated their bodies in treatment. 

In addition to trauma work, I applied somatic interventions to help clients improve their self-worth. One of my favorite interventions is to encourage clients to take actions in order to learn how to talk up space in the world. These actions can include taking the last open seat on a busy train, requiring a person to yield when walking directly toward them on a sidewalk, sitting in a confident posture, and taking up physical space in an enclosed setting such as a meeting or class (instead of trying to take up as little space as possible.) When we physically take up space in the world, we can change our brain chemistry and advance our own self-worth.  

The phrase “life changing” is admittedly cliche, yet there is no other way for me to describe my experience with IMPACT Chicago’s Self-Defense Programs. These programs taught me how to use my voice and body to carve out my rightful place in the world. And now, I pass this knowledge on to my clients.


This post was first published HERE. Reprinted with permission from Amanda Gregory.You can find Amanda Gregory's "How a Self-Defense Program Made Me a Better Trauma Therapist, Part 1: Finding My Voice" on the IMPACT Chicago blog HERE.

Amanda Ann Gregory is a psychotherapist, author, and speaker. She practices in Chicago and specializes in trauma, attachment, and anxiety treatment. She has written for Highlights Magazine, Addiction Professional, Adoption Today, Holistic Parenting, New Therapist, and Psychology Tomorrow.

Visit her at amandaanngregory.com 

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How a Self-Defense Program Made Me a Better Trauma Therapist, Part 1: Finding My Voice

I spoke to my “attempted rapist” after I’d landed multiple kicks to his face and groin. I confessed to him—an instructor acting as an assailant— that I fear raising my voice in public because I’m afraid to appear rude, dramatic, or “crazy.” I had the heartbreaking realization that I’d rather risk being harmed than offend someone.

Two years ago, I completed IMPACT Chicago’s Core Program, where “participants learn and practice a range of tools and strategies to increase their choices when faced with uncomfortable, intrusive, or dangerous situations.” I’d recently moved to Chicago from a small town in Missouri, so I planned to take a simple self-defense class in order to feel more confident walking alone at night. Instead of a simple class, I found myself in the midst of a life changing experience. 

As a trauma therapist, my voice is a valuable tool. I use my voice to foster safety, connection, acceptance, and growth. I’ve spent years teaching my clients how to create and communicate healthy boundaries designed to keep them safe. Yet, I focused too much on words - which is only one part of using one’s voice. IMPACT taught me the importance of expressing intent by focusing on the volume and tone of one’s voice. I learned that I can use the perfect words, but if my expression doesn’t match my intent, my message will not be effectively conveyed. There is a noticeable difference between the phrases: “Stand back” and “STAND BACK!” Same words, different meaning. To feel comfortable using my voice in order to promote my safety, I needed to address the obstacles that had been in my way. 

There are many reasons why people are hesitant to use a heightened volume and tone of voice in public to promote their safety. The most common obstacles that I’ve seen from my clients are trauma, anxiety, sexism, racism, a lack of trust in the legal system/law enforcement, and low self-worth. I discovered that my own obstacles were sexism and trauma. Society taught me that a woman who yells, regardless of the reason, is unstable. So, having internalized societal expectations, I almost never raised my voice. In addition, my parents taught me that yelling and/or a firm tone of voice is a warning from someone who is planning to harm you. Thus, my trauma response is to not yell or sound firm so that I don’t harm anyone or give them the impression that I will. IMPACT taught me how to yell and be firm by having me repeatedly practice yelling boundary-setting phrases with my peers. It was extremely uncomfortable, and at times I froze up and couldn’t speak. But, the more I yelled, the more comfortable I felt using my voice. 

After IMPACT, I began to place less focus on my client's words and greater emphasis on their vocal expressions. I started encouraging my clients to practice using their voices during their therapy sessions. These interventions consisted of role playing, desensitization behavioral exercises, EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing), and somatic experiencing. One of my favorite exercises is having clients scream a neutral word in session, then in public. They chose a word that’s not threatening, offensive, or one that could be perceived as indicating an emergency. Words such as, “SWEATERS!,” “TACOS!,” or (because my practice is based in Chicago) “COLD!” This exercise has helped my clients not only to practice using a loud voice and firm tone in public, but it desensitizes them to any anticipated negative consequences associated with using their voice. Yes, people may judge them or stare at them. But, there usually aren’t any significant consequences and this intervention can help clients become more adept at using their voices to protect themselves.

I learned that the more that I’m able to use my voice, the more my clients feel safe to use theirs. 

Stay tuned for my next blog, “How A Self-Defense Program Made Me A Better Therapist: Part 2: Using My Body.” 

This post was first published HERE. Reprinted with permission from Amanda Gregory.

Amanda Ann Gregory is a psychotherapist, author, and speaker. She practices in Chicago and specializes in trauma, attachment, and anxiety treatment. She has written for Highlights Magazine, Addiction Professional, Adoption Today, Holistic Parenting, New Therapist, and Psychology Tomorrow.

Visit her at amandaanngregory.com 

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Ask ESD Instructors: Trauma and Empowerment Self-Defense

Empowerment Self-Defense (ESD) Instructor Lisa Klenk asked:

What experiences of re-traumatization have you had in your classes? How did you deal with it? What is the most important advice you can give me?

Empowerment Self-Defense Instructors responded

Clara Porter, Prevention.Action.Change, Portland Maine

I've been teaching ESD for 25 years and no one has ever been 'retraumatized' by a class. They've experienced activation sure, been triggered even yes, but the frame is there to hold and normalize all responses. 

• We say from the beginning that participants are the experts of their own bodies and know best what will work for them.

• We tell them that we'll check in if they leave the training floor but just to see if there's anything we can do to be supportive. 

• We never ask people to tell their stories but we hold space for them if they choose to do so.

• Extra training is helpful and will give you more tools for both helping people ground and re-center in the moment and for recognizing when someone is 'checking out' or disassociating because the material is getting overwhelming so that you can intervene early. One of the best trainings offered is for volunteer advocates at local sexual assault centers. Some will allow folks who don't intend to be a hotline volunteer to participate. 

• Have resources for local sexual assault centers on hand. 

Magdalena Dircio Diaz

I work with survivors and usually am the first person to provide services after an assault. We always need to keep in mind that survivors will be attending ESD trainings. I have started to incorporate restorative justice practices (starting with a restorative, community building circle) into my ESD curriculum. I also am getting certified in trauma-informed care. I hope these tools will help me best address situations where someone is triggered since most of my ESD participants will be survivors. In the United States, you have to be certified to work directly with survivors of sexual assault or domestic violence victim advocacy. For those not in the US or not near a center that offers such trainings, NOVA (National Organization of Victim Assistance) has some online training for individuals working with survivors. There is also trauma-informed care training on line; for example, San Diego State University Department of Counseling and School Psychology offers a graduate certificate in trauma-informed care and mental health recovery.

Beth Bowman

I think it's an opportunity to do great work.  I've been in the mental health field for 30 years and I've always looked for ways to combine my martial arts knowledge with supporting those who have experienced trauma.  I believe we should work to be trauma-informed and as Clara Porter said, provide space and support for those affected. It is also important to understand the importance of grounding and know the limits of our expertise. There are some great resources out there on the subject as well (see below).  Providing local resources for those needing additional support or trusted referral sources outside of class is very important.

Amy Jones, Culture of Safety, Chicago IL

I highly recommend having an assistant or co-teacher so that you have someone who can attend to the needs of the class AND someone who can attend to someone in crisis.

Comments from Facebook
Carol Schaffer, ESD Instructor
What experiences of re-traumatization isn't for me quite the right question...more like, what experiences of big emotions, painful memories, and physiological distress arise as students rehears interrupting violence? It would be hard to be working on assault defense (sexual or otherwise) and have that not happen. True for survivors but also folks who are contemplating for the first time how awful such an experience might be. If in response to the threat, someone enacts protective behaviors (all or even part of a scenario or skill set), it's now potentially a healing experience or success moment (for nearly all). Re-traumatization would be more likely if students were exposed to these stressful situations and the aggression was completed. Triggering is not that common (panic attacks, reliving the experience as if it was real-vs remembering the experience) in classes, and all the emotional and physical responses are normalized and supported. So great to hear what others have shared as well.

Rose Baker, IMPACT Chicago graduate
With respect and dignity-I did not disclose my attack when I took the 2nd class (my attack happened back in 1979ish timeframe). But I felt safe and secure-my releasing of the feelings-that the attack was my fault-came out at the self-defense with more than one attacker class. I was allowed to cry and walk away without judgment and come back to class when I was ready-it took about 3 to 4 minutes and yes one can fight when crying. I totally recommend this class and/or additional cassles.

Recommended Readings

Brecklin, Leanne R. 2011. The Benefits of Self-Defense Training for Sexual Assault Survivors. Pp.276-295 in Thema Bryant-Davis (Ed.) Surviving Sexual Violence: A Guide to Recovery and Empowerment.

Frankl, Viktor E. 2006 (originally 1946). Man’s Search for Meaning. Boston: Beacon.

Herman, Judith L. 2015. Trauma and Recovery: The Aftermath of Violence—From Domestic Abuse to Political Terror. New York: Basic Books.

Rosenblum, Gianine D. and Lynn S. Task. 2014. Self-Defense as Clinical Intervention for Survivors of Trauma. Violence Against Women 20 (3): 293-308.

Valdiserri, Anna. 2016. Trauma-Aware Self-Defense Instruction: How Instructors Can Help Maximize the Benefits. Amazon Digital Services.

van der Kolk, Bessel. 2015. The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind and Body in the Healing of Trauma. London: Penguin.

Compiled and edited by Martha Thompson, IMPACT Chicago. Original question and comments from  ESD Global Movement Facebook Page, shared with permission from Lisa Klenk, Clara Porter, Magdalena Dircio Diaz Beth Bowman, and Amy Jones.

Shedding Fear To Find My Unique, Strong Voice

As a woman, I am very aware of the dangers that exist in society.  I have been taught about these dangers since I was young and continue to hear about the dangers to women on a daily basis on the news.  Every day there is a reminder that the world is not safe for women. Because I didn’t feel safe, I looked for ways that I wasn’t safe and for the dangers around me.  I used hypervigilance and caution to protect me for many years. 

In the past few years, I began to integrate lessons from my work as a trauma therapist and wondered how they may help me in my own life.  The hypervigilance that was so familiar and protective to me did protect me but I also began to understand sustained hypervigilance negatively impacts my health and well-being. I began to recognize that the fear I was carrying was related to trauma that happened before I was born, it was intergenerational trauma, passed down from generations before me. In the blog post below and another one next week "I Got Out of My Own Way,"  I will share how self-defense training and somatic therapy supported me in my healing journey and increased my sense of personal safety and confidence  Instead of walking around with that old familiar feeling of fearfulness, I now feel more vibrant, alive, and confident. 

It’s not safe to walk alone at night. Don’t trust strangers. ALWAYS be on your guard. You could be kidnapped.  As far back as I can remember, I was told that I am not safe and the world is a dangerous place. 

Where did this fear come from? Why was I scared all the time?

Many of us are wired to be fearful because of our intergenerational trauma and societal imprinting. My mother and grandmother, of course, had good intentions and told me the same messages all women get because they cared for me and wanted me to be safe. Fear was transmitted as a result of their lived experiences and their own intergenerational trauma. 

At the same time, we absorb daily lessons from movies, music, and television that women are weak and need to be protected. Every time we turn on the news, we are bombarded with numerous stories about women being assaulted and victimized.    

My own personal wiring combined with the cumulative impact of society's consistent messaging resulted in me personally feeling weak, disempowered and afraid.  On the surface, you wouldn’t know how I felt.  But fear was lurking below the surface, interfering with my confidence and my voice.  Often, I looked calm on the outside, but inside, I was waiting for something bad to happen. If I didn’t know better, I could easily self-pathologize and call myself 'silly’ or 'paranoid.' As a professional now, in my many years of work with women and trauma survivors, I know I am not alone. Many of us live in fear.  

Doing instead of fearing

I pride myself on being a doer, an achiever.  If there is a solution, I will find it.  Well, I found it. Two years ago, I learned about the IMPACT Chicago Core Program Self-Defense Training for Women and immediately wanted to be a part of this training.  I completed a two-weekend IMPACT Core Program where I learned verbal and physical boundary setting techniques. I was amazed at how empowering the experience was for me. I felt strong, powerful, brave!  

Now I walk around with an attitude of “don’t mess with me, or else!” I also now know how to fight, how to defend myself, how to stand up for myself from the outset. Even better, I no longer need to buy into societal messaging that women are weak, or that I need to be nice because I am a female.  I know I have everything I need to defend myself. 

The confidence and empowerment I experience after completing this program has been invaluable to me and has helped me personally and professionally. I wish every woman and every girl could experience this! 

Bianka Hardin, PsyD

Licensed Clinical Psychologist

Centered Therapy Chicago

Between Sexual Violence and Healing

In the New York Times “Surviving the Long-Term Trauma of Sexual Violence," photographer Kate Ryan tells of her motivation and process in documenting the complexity of sexual assault with “Signed, X,” a collection of photographs and interviews with 29 long-term survivors of sexual assault. She asked questions:

 

What triggers you years after sexual violence?

How do you ground yourself in those moments?

Where do you carry stress?

Where do you find hope?

The goal of the project is to expand people’s thinking beyond (1) the violence and (2) being “healed” or “fixed” and to understand the lived experience of dealing with sexual violence over time.

You can find Signed, X at signedxproject.com. Signed, X is traveling across the country to gather more stories and to raise awareness of the complexities of long-term trauma and survival.

Shifting from Trauma Informed to Healing Centered

In the "Future of Healing: Shifting from Trauma Informed Care to Healing Centered Engagement," Shawn Ginwright acknowledges the importance of trauma informed care but argues it has limitations. Ginwright makes a case for trauma informed care being incomplete and focused on the trauma that people have experienced. Instead, Ginwright says:

"A healing centered approach is holistic involving culture, spirituality, civic action, and collective healing. A healing centered approach views trauma not simply as an individual isolated experience, but rather highlights the ways in which trauma and healing are experienced collectively."

You can find the full article at Medium.  

Ways to Calm a Young Brain in Trauma

In "7 Ways to Calm a Young Brain in Trauma," Lori Desautels shares ways that she supports her K-6 students, many of whom have experienced trauma. Some of those ways:

• Taking deep breaths.
• Collective sound and movement (e.g. drumming a rhythm together).
• Self-massage (e.g. a rubbing a drop of lotion into one's hands).
• More movement (e.g. rock along one's spine)
• Chant with fingers on vocal chords.
• A wiggling body scan.
• Dancing with scarves.

For more about what is known about trauma and the brain and Desautels' choices for addressing it, you can read the full article here.

When Violence Hits Close to Home

The American Psychological Association Committee on Women in Psychology is doing a series of posts about violence against women and girls. The first two posts:

Shannon Lynch. 2018. "Hit, Hurt, and Distressed: How Violence and Trauma Put Women at Risk of Incarceration." Psychology Benefits Society.

Administrator. 2018. "Stop the Abuse: Why We Can't Neglect Women with Disabilities When We Talk About Interpersonal Violence." Psychology Benefits Society.

Self-Defense and Trauma Healing: An Interactive Workshop for Those Who Work With Trauma Survivors

SAVE THE DATE

Self-Defense and Trauma Healing SEPTEMBER 28, 2018 from 9:00am - Noon Tickets: $75 and $20 for CEU Certificate

Instructors: Dr. Bianka Hardin & IMPACT Instructor Margaret Vimont, LCSW

CTC is partnering with IMPACT Chicago to host an experiential workshop for people who work with trauma survivors to learn how taking a self-defense course can be an addendum to treatment and support.

Margaret Vimont

Participants will learn:

 How and why to refer a client to self-defense training

 Empowerment skills through verbal and physical boundary setting

 How self-defense training can be an addendum to treatment

 How to support a client who is taking a course

Participants will receive 3 CEUs provided by Centered Therapy Chicago.
Use: License # 268000085

Bianka Hardin

Participants are encouraged to wear comfortable clothing. 

Register here.

How Can Empowerment Self-Defense Lift the Personal Burdens People Carry?

 As an IMPACT instructor I teach using Empowerment Self-Defense principles and see how this positively affects my students.  These principles influence how I plan classes, respond to student questions, and address prevalent myths and facts about interpersonal violence.

Infusing ESD Principles Into Teaching

ESD principles guide adaptation and customization of courses based on the participants enrolled. Adaptations take into account how various aspects of one’s identity affect: experiences of violence, choices about resistance or compliance, harm from rape culture, the aftermath of reporting, and obtaining justice. ESD principles apply to people of all ages and genders, with varying types of vulnerabilities and/or prior experiences of abuse/trauma/violence, those with learning differences, various physical disabilities and cognitive disabilities. Our ability to connect to our participants is enhanced by content relevance. ESD principles remind us to acknowledge the perspective and experiences of those who are not in the room - which may differ from those who are present.

• Space for self-reflection and critical thinking

Class participants learn skills and tools such as threat assessment, verbal and physical resistance. Additionally ESD guided instruction intentionally invites our participants to consider how their gender, age, ability, appearance, race, religion, social class, and sexual orientation (among other identity factors) influence their beliefs and attitudes about violence and their options for resistance.

Participants examine their reflexive and internalized beliefs (and where they came from) regarding resistance and their own power to interrupt violence and boundary violations.  They learn what research points to in terms of which resistance strategies are effective most of the time and why.  Ultimately, in the hands-on component of class, they connect new knowledge and experience to their own lives. This is a significant contribution towards reducing the burden of worry, and fear of helplessness, that narrow people’s lives.

• Space to let go of self-blame

Self-defense programs based on empowerment principles reflect on how rape culture influences who is blamed, who is believed and supported, the challenges of reporting, who the justice system works for, and who is excused and who is punished.

Making this explicit in class demonstrates to our students that we appreciate the decisions they have made for themselves, their range of experiences, and the choices and strategies they have chosen. It supports letting go of internalized blame and shame, as we are clear in assigning blame and fault to the perpetrator.

Violence is very personal and unfair. Nonetheless, it is important in our teaching to tie individual experiences to larger social systems that perpetuate this unfairness. Such connections can lift internal personal burdens about past experiences and their repercussions. What happened to me was indeed unfair and was the (predictable and intentional) outcome of biased systems.

• Space to ask BIG questions

In classes, children and teenagers often raise BIG questions: Why are people violent? Who would want to hurt kids? ESD principles help us answer these types of questions by linking violence to inequality and power. For example, on the spectrum of violence, we include mean words, put downs, and micro-aggressions as forms of verbal violence. Students readily generate that put downs are usually based on looks, ability, race, class, religion, likes and dislikes, gender or gender non-conformity, etc. (for example, your hair is weird, you got the worst grade on the math test, your clothes aren’t new or cool, your religion doesn’t have the “good” holidays, boys don’t like ballet, girls can’t play basketball.) We witness the weight of these prior negative experiences being released, as students understand that they were targeted (all or in part) based on one or more aspects of their identity versus something that they did wrong or an inherent lack of value as a human being.

• Space to sort myths and facts

We reference statistics about crime and about aggressors. ESD programs dispel myths about the frequency of stranger vs familiar crime, about armed vs unarmed assault, and intra-vs inter-racial crime. We address the effectiveness of different strategies of resistance as well as how the research data is collected and interpreted. By reviewing evidence-based information about interpersonal violence, we broaden participants understanding of the many forms violence takes. ESD principles help teachers acknowledge the many purely personal choices people make to stay safer. ESD classes cover a wide range of circumstances, depict a variety of different types of abusive behavior, and teach varied strategies for responding to specific situations. This customization makes the classes relevant and personal. ESD practitioners sort myths from facts, directly address the pervasiveness of violence in our culture, and seek to build empathy.

Carol Schaeffer, IMPACT and ESD Instructor

Working with Trauma

National Institute for the Clinical Application of Behavioral Medicine has published Bessel van der Kolk’s  and Ruth Buczynski’s report on Four Concrete Steps for Working with Trauma. See the full report for details. The highlights are:

1.      Self-regulation

2.      Cultivate effective action

3.      Find language for your inner experience 

4.      Engage in rhythmical interaction