As a
woman, I am very aware of the dangers that exist in society. I have been
taught about these dangers since I was young and continue to hear about the
dangers to women on a daily basis on the news. Every day there is a
reminder that the world is not safe for women. Because I didn’t feel safe, I
looked for ways that I wasn’t safe and for the dangers around me. I used
hypervigilance and caution to protect me for many years.
In the
past few years, I began to integrate lessons from my work as a trauma therapist
and wondered how they may help me in my own life. The hypervigilance that
was so familiar and protective to me did protect me but I also began to
understand sustained hypervigilance negatively impacts my health and well-being.
I began to recognize that the fear I was carrying was related to trauma that
happened before I was born, it was intergenerational trauma, passed down from
generations before me. In the blog post below and another one next week "I Got Out of My Own Way," I will share how self-defense
training and somatic therapy supported me in my healing journey and increased
my sense of personal safety and confidence
Instead of walking around with that old familiar feeling of fearfulness,
I now feel more vibrant, alive, and confident.
It’s
not safe to walk alone at night. Don’t trust strangers. ALWAYS be on your
guard. You could be kidnapped. As far back as I can remember, I
was told that I am not safe and the world is a
dangerous place.
Where did
this fear come from? Why was I scared all the time?
Many of
us are wired to be fearful because of our intergenerational trauma and
societal imprinting. My mother and grandmother, of course, had good
intentions and told me the same messages all women get because they cared
for me and wanted me to be safe. Fear was transmitted as a
result of their lived experiences and their own
intergenerational trauma.
At the
same time, we absorb daily lessons from movies, music, and television
that women are weak and need to be protected. Every time we turn on the
news, we are bombarded with numerous stories about women
being assaulted and victimized.
My own
personal wiring combined with the cumulative impact of society's consistent
messaging resulted in me personally feeling weak, disempowered and
afraid. On the surface, you wouldn’t know how I felt. But fear was
lurking below the surface, interfering with my confidence and my voice.
Often, I looked calm on the outside, but inside, I was waiting for something
bad to happen. If I didn’t know better, I could easily
self-pathologize and call myself 'silly’ or 'paranoid.' As a
professional now, in my many years of work with women and trauma
survivors, I know I am not alone. Many of us live in fear.
Doing
instead of fearing
I pride
myself on being a doer, an achiever. If there is a solution, I will find
it. Well, I found it. Two years ago, I learned about the IMPACT
Chicago Core Program Self-Defense Training for Women and immediately
wanted to be a part of this training. I completed a two-weekend IMPACT
Core Program where I learned verbal and physical boundary setting techniques. I
was amazed at how empowering the experience was for me. I felt strong,
powerful, brave!
Now I walk
around with an attitude of “don’t mess with me, or else!” I also now know how
to fight, how to defend myself, how to stand up for myself from the outset.
Even better, I no longer need to buy into societal messaging that women are
weak, or that I need to be nice because I am a female. I know I have
everything I need to defend myself.
The
confidence and empowerment I experience after completing this
program has been invaluable to me and has helped me personally and
professionally. I wish every woman and every girl could experience this!
Bianka
Hardin, PsyD
Licensed
Clinical Psychologist
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