Adriana Li: Expanding Empowerment and Safety

Adriana Li, IMPACT Boston

Below Adriana Li, IMPACT Boston Coach, and an IMPACT Boston Suit demonstrate a scenario of two co-workers who get along as friends at work and who have lots of healthy dialogue about social-political issues. The coach character is non-binary. The suit character is cis-gendered. 

SUIT: Hey how’s it going? Hey did you see that article that went viral, about the new trans-rights law? What did you think about that? 

COACH: Actually, I wanted to talk to you about something on that note. I meant to bring it up earlier. 

SUIT: Oh yeah, what’s up? 

COACH: I’ve given it some thought lately, and I love talking to you about politics, but I’m realizing when it comes to these kinds of things, especially around trans rights, I would prefer not to talk about it anymore. 

SUIT: Oh no, wait why is there something wrong? I thought you loved talking about it? Plus, I figured I’d ask you, you just know so much about it. 

COACH: I did, I’m just realizing I don’t feel like answering questions anymore. It can be a lot. I’m noticing it’s starting to make me uncomfortable. I think you mean well, and it’s great you want to learn so much, but I’m sure there’s other ways you can find out about these things. I’d prefer not to talk about it anymore. 

SUIT: Oh I’m sorry, I see that, but how come you didn’t tell me before? 

COACH: You’re right, I didn’t tell you before; I own that. I think because of the work dynamic I just didn’t want to make it awkward. But in the future, can we just keep it to other topics? 

SUIT: OK I get it, yes definitely I can do that. 

COACH: Thank you, I appreciate that.

Adriana Coaching 

Adriana says:

I wrote the above scenario because it shows how important it is to set boundaries with people we know and that we can change boundaries as things come up for us. LGBTQ-advocacy and setting boundaries when having conversations, even with well-intentions, can be emotionally taxing and may mean creating new parameters, despite the healthy relationship. It’s about reinforcing limits when things come up for us, and clearly communicating that to others around us.  

 I also know how important it is to have physical tools. I got out of a situation once by using a version of an eye strike--I didn't know how to do it technically but it worked and gives me confidence in the techniques we teach.

Teaching courses for the LGBTQ community is important to me, especially for LGBTQ youth and women of color. Because of my own background as a survivor and with those I know who have experienced violence, I want to focus on marginalized kids and teens and provide support and alternatives for trauma survivors. I am committed to teaching critical thinking skills and providing a vision of alternatives. I want to help people expand their visions and choices. I love that the structure of IMPACT means eventually our students do not need us to fall back on, they only need to trust themselves. 

Adriana presenting

I am part of the LGBTQ community and have been since I can remember. My mother is from southern China and my father is Puerto Rican. I was bullied and alienated as a kid for being uncommonly biracial. I graduated from Pine Manor College in theater. Out of college I was the Science Programs Coordinator for the Children's Museum of Boston. In addition to my theater background, I had a natural knack for working with youth. I’ve been with IMPACT for three years now. I originally worked with Triangle, the disability agency that houses IMPACT Boston. I was working as a coordinator for young adults with disabilities who were developing job skills and I was attending a Kung Fu school in Chinatown when one of the instructors recommended the IMPACT Basics Course to me. He happened to have been a suited instructor with IMPACT Boston several years before and he knew I was a survivor.

When I took the Women's Basics Class, I noticed I was the only student of color in the class. I was hyperaware that I was in a mostly-white space, something I was not used to in my college and childhood experiences. I've also noticed that hyperawareness by other people of color in programs that are predominately white. I am committed to creating safe spaces and providing space for conversations that are relevant to the experiences of people of color and all gender identities; for example, directly addressing systemic inequality and authority violence. One of my approaches for creating safer space in on-line programs is asking people to personally email me and share with me why they want to take the program. Online, the unfortunate reality is anyone could pretend to be in a specific community. By asking people to email me, I'm not only screening, but I'm making a personal connection.

I've had so much support from the IMPACT Boston staff and connecting with other IMPACT chapters and ESD organizations. I consulted with Linda Leu from IMPACT Bay Area about the Women of Color course. I helped train IMPACT Safety in Ohio in IMPACT: Ability and also helped in suit training for Turtle Mountain staff. My dream, in doing this work, is to see more people of color given platforms to be represented,and empowered, in spaces everywhere.

Based on an interview of Adriana Li July 2020 by Martha Thompson, IMPACT Chicago Lead Instructor and Admin Co-Team Leader.

IMPACT Chicago Response to Coronavirus

Update: May 13, 2020
We continue to monitor the spread of COVID-19 and are keeping a close eye on official information and guidance from the CDC, the State of Illinois, and the City of Chicago. We will fully comply with Governor Pritzker's Restore Illinois plan for re-opening, as well as any requirements issued by the City of Chicago's COVID-19 Recovery Task Force. We are committed to providing a safe space for participants and staff in our programs. 

As of now, IMPACT programs and workshops have been canceled through June 30. As official information and guidelines are updated and affect our program offerings, we will send updates to program participants and to our entire community via email, on our website, and through our Facebook page.
 
If you have any questions, please contact us at info@impactchicago.org or send us a message via Facebook  and your inquiry will be routed to the best person to answer your question.
 
Additional Resources from the Chicago Department of Public Health:
Get the Facts: Coronavirus Disease 2019 (COVID-19)
What you need to know about COVID-19 (English, Spanish, Simplified Chinese)
What to do if you are sick with COVID-19 (English, Spanish, Simplified Chinese)
Stop the Spread of Germs Poster (English, Spanish, Simplified Chinese)
Symptoms of Coronavirus Disease 2019 Poster (English, Spanish)

When Unsafe Behavior Happens in a Safe Space

My husband dropped me off at my therapist and went to park the car. I was early so I felt relaxed as I approached the doors leading into the reception area. As I reached toward the door, a man spoke authoritatively: “Don’t touch that door!” and then hit the accessible entrance button. As the door opened I said, “Thank you for opening the door, but you startled me.” He didn’t respond. I walked through the first door toward the second door when he again spoke with authority, “Don’t touch that door!”

This second command triggered flashbacks. When I was 17, a friend of a friend opened a door, cornered me, and then raped me. Now here I was in two places at once. I knew where I was and yet I was frozen. I heard my IMPACT instructors Martha and Mark encouraging me to pay attention and I was aware that my guard was up.

The second door opened as soon as the first door closed and as the man brushed past me he said, “Well, I’m glad that’s finally working again.” He walked into the offices, apparently done testing the doors. I asked the receptionist, “Is that the maintenance man?” She said, “No, he is our CEO.” I asked her to ask him to come out to the reception area.

He came out, moving very close to me, and asked if he could help me. I put up my hands and said, “Take a step back.  You are the CEO for a counseling center. Have you had any training on understanding people who are going through counseling?”

“No, I work on the business side.”

“I’m coming here for therapy and by your behavior you just recreated the situation in which I am receiving counseling for.”

He was embarrassed and reached out his arm to lead me as he said, “Let’s step into my office.”

I put my hands up and said, “Back up. You don’t command someone in a counseling center not to touch a door.” He tried to interrupt me and I wouldn’t let him. I said, “I am telling you this because you are the CEO. You are not listening to me. Stop speaking and hear what I am saying.” When I recognized that he was not listening, I said, “You’ve proven to me that you are not listening to what I’m saying. Go back to your office.”

My head was spinning and I was very angry but I felt Martha on my left and Mark on my right and that they were supporting me while IMPACT was coming out of my mouth. My husband entered the building as I was speaking to the CEO. He told me later that I was very firm, held my ground, and was very articulate. He noticed that I had one hand on my hip and asked me about that. I said, “I was in a position to elbow him if he came after me when I turned to go to my therapist’s office.”  

I was trembling as I went upstairs to my therapist’s office. There was a young man there and I started talking to him. I told him what happened. He was mellow and calm and I noted that. He said his situation happened in an uber car and that he is working on being calm. He said I am in my teens and I’m trying to have a better adult life. I felt so proud of this young man for taking care of himself. I felt so good that I had him to talk to at that moment.  

When I left, the receptionist gave me a hug and said, “You did everything right.”  I took the Core Program in 2003 and then Defense Against Multiple Assailants several years ago. I feel like IMPACT gets stronger for me every year.

Michelle Schmitt

What About Those Safety Tips?

Once you've had a self-defense course, people are often eager to hear about the safety tips you learned, from how to wear your hair to what weapons to carry. In "Safety Tips for Women, Revised" on the IMPACT Boston Blog, Shay Orent offers a look at the dangers of safety tips and suggests instead:

• Know the signs of healthy and unhealthy relationships
• Practice boundary setting
• Know the research

For her analysis of safety tips and more about ways to keep ourselves safe, check out Orent's "Safety Tips for Women, Revised" 

Safety Guide for LGBTQ Youth

Check out the BreakOUT 4 page streetsafety guide for LGBTQ youth, especially young transgender women for knowing your rights with the police. The guide recognizes the complexities and risks of advocating for one’s rights. It was developed specifically for young people in New Orleans, but the principles apply widely. For instance, things youth can say or do that, while may not prevent you from being arrested, could help in court later on. Please share the link with any LGBTQ youth in your life.

Reference

BreakOUT! Guide to Street Safetyand Preserving  Your Rights with the Police