Mark Nessel: It Is Time to Hang Up My Helmet

I saw my first IMPACT Chicago graduation at Patton Gym at Northwestern University in the fall of 1990 or '91 (I can't remember anymore) and certified as a suited instructor in October or November of 1992. It’s time for my career in the Suit to wrap up. 

The September Core Program was my last Core. I'm scheduled to work in Defense Against Multiple Assailants class in October. When that class concludes I will have met all of my class commitments for this year and it will be the last time I suit up for an IMPACT class. This was not an easy decision to make, and I expect that I will have doubt about it for quite a while, but I am confident that it's time. It's my intention to remain involved in IMPACT Chicago at least in curriculum development and instructor training and I’m talking with the instructors about other ways I may be able to contribute to IMPACT, and that's a conversation that we will continue.

            

I was 25 years old when I strapped on my helmet for the first time; at the end of this coming November I will turn 49. That my time in the suit will end has always been a certainty, I only have a choice about how it ends. I feel like I'm at a juncture where I can choose to end that part of my work on my terms, or push on until that choice is somehow made for me. I very much prefer the former.

As you may well be aware, few 25-year-old males are really adults. While I'm sure there are some that are, I'm equally certain that I wasn't one of them; so I have been an IMPACT Chicago instructor for pretty much my entire adult life. Almost everything of value that I know about being a man, I learned on the mat. I can't begin to articulate how grateful I am to IMPACT Chicago for that, and for the opportunity to do my work for so many years with people that I consider, for the most part, my family.

Mark Nessel

Post from Mark on FB October 22:

 "In 1990 a martial arts student invited me to see my first IMPACT Chicago graduation and changed my life. After 24 years in The Suit it's time for me to be done with that part of my work. To the folks that don't believe that there's a war against women in this country: You haven't seen what I've seen, heard the stories I've heard, and met the people I've met. I've been a soldier in that war, working with a team that's become my family, training women to fight back for 24 years. It's time to find other ways to fight. I will remain involved in curriculum development and instructor training, and maybe a few other things. There are too many people to tag and to thank, you know who you are. I'm forever grateful for the opportunity to pursue my calling with all of you."

Comments on Facebook and in Emails

Kim Lustig Clifton 

Mark, you will be missed greatly and I want to thank you for all of your years of wearing the helmet. I feel grateful that I was one of your students as well as having the opportunity to work with you as an assistant. As Lauren said, you, as well as the other male instructors, have changed my life forever, and I don't say that lightly. Thank you for everything and best of luck in the future!!

Lauren Pérez Amack 

Mark, as one of the women whose life you changed by putting that helmet on, I thank you for your service and dedication from the bottom of my heart. I realized early on during my IMPACT training that it was no easy task for a decent, good man, to willingly become a "mugger". I understand the sacrifice that you made for me and countless other women, so that we could learn the skills we needed to defend ourselves. You showed me the lengths that a good and decent man is willing to go to, to be an ally, a supporter, and an effector of real change. Best of luck with whatever the future holds and know you have my eternal gratitude.

Audrey Raden As an IMPACT grad, thank you for all your years of service, your knowledge and support, and your willingness to be a part of positive change in this world. You've had more impact than you can guess.

Nat Wilson I have learned so much working with Mark these past 10 years. He is a master of his craft, has been a great inspiration to me and transformed my entire perspective on self defense and teaching. I'm sorry I missed participating in his last class but I am looking forward to continuing to work with him in different ways through IMPACT. Thank you Mark.

Lisa Amoroso It has been an honor to work with Mark on and off the mat since he brought his energy, skills,and too many other positives to name to our team in the early 1990s. Mark's technical skills are so readily apparent; however, one thing I have consistently appreciated about his interpersonal skills is his willingness to express and defend an idea or opinion and to engage in respectful dialogue to come to a consensus or an acceptable "agree to disagree" point. Mark is able to simultaneously coach, learn, and create space for others to do the same. Many thanks!

Michelle Barnes Schmitt Mark, I carry you with me everywhere. Thank you.

Scott Schmitt Mark, Thank you for the tools that you helped my wife develop. You have changed her life!

Rose Naegele thank you Mark

Ernest Natur From a suit in NYC, thank you and Godspeed on the next steps

Meg Stone Mark I remember meeting you at 9 one morning and teaching with you only an hour later. Though you'd never taught little kids before you jumped right in and were a seamless co-teacher. It has always been a joy to collaborate with you.

Anastasia Madeleine Korbitz Thank you Mark for all your years of dedication and for helping Benjamin a member of such a valuable program. Good luck to you and so happy to hear you will remain involved in some capacity. You have done great work all these years!

Andrea Smith-Gage Thank you for your compassion and dedication to the work. May you continue outside the helmet!

Evangeline Su thank you so mch.

Therese Schmieg Mark, I will never forget you. Thanks for being there for all of us.

Amelia Norfleet Dorn The end of an era!

Katie Bee Thank you, Mark - you made me so much stronger than I ever knew I could be!

Maureen Dunn Poet Buddha of power, the umame of Impact. Come back. For us all.

Jeanette Andrews Thank you Mark, your time in the suit has changed my life. I feel able to move so much for freely in the world! You are doing the real work of creating genuine change and please know how much that is valued on a daily basis but those whose lives you and all impact instructors, impact.

Abigail Lynn Thank you thank you thank you from the bottom of my heart!

Anita Ginther Heartfelt thanks for all you have given and shared, Mark. The world is a better and healthier place because of you. And the ripple will continue outward. Wishing you Joy!

Jim Watson Well done, Mark. Thanks for your many years of service in the suit.

Yudit Sidikman Think of all the amazing seeds you have planted along the way. Without you and Martha, there wouldn't be an IMPACT ISRAEL! smile emoticon love you!

Rudy Andrew Trejo Mark its been a pleasure knowing and working with you in this war we fight. Nice doin battle with you! Looking forward to future collaboration and learning from your many years of suit knowledge.

Timothy Patrick Kinney Thanks for the knowledge, encouragement, and support. It's been an honor. I hope it continues to be one, because I hope to see and talk with you again. 

There's something in my eye right now, gotta go.

Ika Chipman Speechless.
Greatful for the training I got from you.
And glad to know you're staying around for development.

Kate Washabaugh I couldn't be prouder of you for all you've done and a har decision gracefully executed. I love you in and out of the suit.

Margaret Vimont Words can't do it my brother in arms.

Martha Thompson Mark, your work in the suit has been incredible and also transcends the suit. You are not done yet!

Jenny Williams Thank you mark for all your amazing work! I am very grateful for the times I got to work with you and Martha I learned so much smile emoticon
Enjoy your next chapter, wherever it may lead you

Lisa Scheff Mark, there are no words sufficient to express my gratitude for your incredible dedication to this work/war, and on a personal level for all of the support and encouragement you have given me in finding my way in the Impact world. I will have to make due with: Thank you. I am so happy that you will continue to share your incredible knowledge of the craft and look forward to working with and learning from you for many years to come.

Anthony Nitsos You were a true sensei/sifu. Thank you for the work and the guidance my friend!

Yotam Barr Sensei!

Mary Shimandle Thank you Mark!
I took the course at North Park College 1995 I think & still talk about the great experience - of bringing you down! Most recently to kick box instructor Isaiah Johnson. The learning is in me and so far I have not had to use it. In graduation video, Northwestern Univ, my dad and husband can be seen in my part, jaws open to the floor, hands over their (privates)... It's the best!!

All the best to you and your next steps!!

Carol Middleton DC IMPACT Director
Gosh, it’s hard to imagine Mark Nessel never being in the suit again, but it’s wonderful that he will still be with IMPACT Chicago.  What a spirit and heart he has, not to mention that analytic mind!  He will still be a huge help in training suits—couldn’t come from greater experience and wisdom!  And I’m sure that every other way he contributes will be golden as well.  A wise decision, I’m sure, though yes, it does feel like the end of an era.

Mark Nessel Thank you all for the kind comments about my work and its reach and impact. This was a hard decision to make, but nobody can be in the suit forever and I felt like I'd hit the crossroads where I could hang it up on my terms or eventually have that decision made for me.
Those of you that have also been in the suit or on the whistle (or still are), since that first day in 1990 all I've ever wanted to do with my life was fight this fight in your company.
It has been an honor to get to do that for so long. I'm not going anywhere (where could I go at this point?). Just changing roles

I Put What I Learned into a Real Life Situation

I had to put what I learned from class into a real life situation. I went to New Hampshire to visit a friend from high school this past Saturday. It seemed like a great idea to get my mind off of family issues that are going on. However, that night he was all sort of messed up on drugs and alcohol and I was completely sober (I don't like to let my guard down in unknown places). Around 3 am I was sleeping and he woke me up, on top of me, essentially pinning me to the bed. He was holding my arms above my head and trying to make out with me. I first told him, "It's Sarah, what the hell are you doing?" Because I didn't know if he thought I was another girl that was expecting him. And he said, "I know, I've been thinking about this all day, why do you think I invited you." To which I responded, "that was not in the invitation, you know I have a boyfriend and don't do this." He then told me to be quiet and just do "it". He went to go under my sweatshirt and I literally screamed "get the f**k off." He still didn't listen so I continued to yell it. He went to cover my mouth right as his other roommates came in and freaked out on him, pulling him off. I was about four seconds away from kicking him though.

At first I was so incredibly upset with myself. I couldn't believe that this was happening again. I just thought I must have a sign over my head that reads, "take advantage of me." But after I thought about it and talked on the phone with my boyfriend and emailed my therapist at school they both said how proud I should be of myself for not just letting it happen. Because out of fear that's what I would have normally done. But I found my voice and thankfully my voice was loud and strong enough to get the attention of his roommates.

So once again I just wanted to voice to you how incredibly grateful I am for this class. Not just for the immense knowledge I've learned academically [ IMPACT was offered in conjunction with an academic course] but the strategies I have learned to use outside of class in the real world. I'm still utterly disgusted that so many of these people exist but I'm happy to know I can fight them off now. Had this had happened without me taking the class...I don't even want to think about the consequences. So just thank you so very much again.

Sarah, Graduate of Prepare New York City

What About the Bully in My Head?

On the weekend of November 9th, I took the IMPACT core program even though I don’t live in much fear about being attacked by an assailant. I’ve been taking public transportation in Chicago for 20 years and apparently I carry myself in a way that does not invite harassment. Still, the nightmare scenarios live in the back of my head that I might come home to a stranger hiding in a closet or wake up to find an intruder in my bed.

The goal of IMPACT self-defense is to incapacitate your attacker so you have time to safely walk away and call 911. One of the most valuable lessons IMPACT taught me was that a big unarmed man against a small unarmed woman does not have the advantage. I learned that if I can get in a good strong kick to a guy’s groin, chances are the fight will be over. More than that, I got the opportunity to practice physically slamming my knee/hand/butt into another person so I could get these moves into my body memory. If a man grabs me from behind or I wake up to find him sitting on top of me, how do I position myself so my knee is in the right place to slam into his crotch? IMPACT has shown me how.

As the weekend went on my classmates described how much more powerful they felt, but I didn’t share the feeling. As I obediently learned the moves, I felt increasingly detached from the class. Why? I eventually realized it was because IMPACT wasn’t helping me with my fears. I wasn’t afraid of men. I was afraid of the bully that lived inside my head.

A highly sensitive child, I took all my mother’s and society’s criticisms to heart. As a result, a cruelly judgmental voice has dominated my mind for as long as I can remember. That was the attacker I helplessly battled every day and no amount of throwing around male instructors could touch it. On Sunday morning I broke down in tears, telling the group how angry and scared I was that I couldn’t stop the asshole in my mind unless I took a knife to my brain. Our instructor was wonderfully responsive and everyone gave me as much time as I needed to express myself. I felt grateful that my strong emotions didn’t seem to make anyone uncomfortable. I felt heard.

As that final day went on, I began to feel less hopeless and more mentally present as we cheered each other through our “graduation” exercises. In the days that followed, I expected depression, since that’s the stress response I tend to have, but that bleak feeling didn’t return. Maybe going through the physical moves of fighting off an attacker resonated in my psyche. I don’t think IMPACT has made much difference in my physical safety, but it might have helped my inner feeling of safety. Maybe the body can teach the mind how to defend itself.

Regina Rodríguez-Martin
My blog: Chicana on the Edge

I don’t have to be "in shape" to use my greatest gifts

As verbose as I am, I am challenged to summon up adequate words to express my gratitude for the IMPACT Core program. It was a life changing experience for me; helping me to heal a past experience more than 8 years of talk therapy did. I truly know now that the "only way out is through". And that no matter how much I talked about what happened to me in the past, nothing helped more than re-experiencing it in my body with a different outcome. 

I was so scared to take the class that I put it off for years. Through the patient and supportive communication with Leslie, I signed up and then still waivered back and forth. Her loving boundary of telling me that there were other women waiting to take the class helped me commit.

I had thought that I was mostly scared because I am in the worst physical shape of my life having gained over 50 lbs since the 2006 rape to try to "protect" myself from others. With the expert pacing of the teaching and gradual learning of the skills, my body experienced that it can do way more than I thought it could. I learned that I don’t have to be "in shape" to use my greatest gifts of my hips and legs. In fact, my weight added power and strength. I now am so grateful for my hips and legs.

Adrenaline became my friend as Margaret so exquisitely taught us to "use" the feelings of fear as fuel. This was perhaps one of the greatest lessons. I had thought previously that fear would cripple me into paralysis because that is what I had thought it did back in 2006. But I learned, through my body, that fear is a gift and that I can use it to make a choice. It was Mark, one of the male instructors, who so sensitively explained to me that fear did not cripple me in 2006. He explained that because I felt fear and made a choice not to fight; not because I couldn't do it but because a part of me knew that I was in so much danger that the choice was not to fight. I realize now that my fear about taking the class was because I had internalized the false belief that I was a "failure" because I didn't fight my rapist. Mark and the whole team taught me that I am a survivor because I lived through it. I am alive because of my fear. My fear was a gift that told me what to do to protect myself from getting killed.

Today, I feel confident that I would make many different choices should that same or a different threatening situation arise. This class was about so much very more than just the physical skills. The verbal boundary setting skills and practice are priceless. Learning to know when to say no is something that every woman needs to learn. We can talk and analyze about it ‘til the cows come home but there is nothing like the gift of actually getting to practice it in a safe setting. Margaret's coaching in my ear became paramount to me. I needed to learn how to breathe, assess and know what I want and don't want.  

Heidi, 2013 IMPACT Chicago graduate

Upcoming IMPACT Core Program: September 20, 21, and 22 (Friday 5:30-9:30pm ; Sat/Sun 9 am - 6 pm) , TRIBE, 1819 W. Belmont, Chicago, IL 60657.

Back to the future: Former IMPACT Instructor Cheers on his Daughter at her Graduation

Former suited instructor Marcus Martin returned to IMPACT on June 30, 2013 to cheer on his daughter, Arielle, as she completed the Core program! Marcus was an IMPACT instructor in the 1990s. His faith in IMPACT’s training has remained strong and he was thrilled to once again see the fighting spirit of the women on the mat. In the 1990s, Marcus said about IMPACT:

“When I think about the importance of training women and children to be safe in a potentially unsafe world, I’m reminded of the story of David … [he] utilized the resources he had available (confidence, support, and inner strength) to deliver a knock out blow to Goliath.”

After Arielle completed the Core Program, Marcus said: “It’s great to see and know that IMPACT is still empowering, training, and making a difference in the lives of our mothers, sisters, daughters, aunts, friends, neighbors - WOMEN! I'm thankful and happy that IMPACT is still in operation and available for someone important in my life - my daughter!”

Arielle says: “I feel empowered. I found my own strength as a woman and I’ve learned how to fight like a woman. I am now more confident.”

Teen Girls Say “NO!” To Violence

- Gymnasts Proclaim Their Fighting Spirit -

A group of teen girls from a local tumbling team, applied the skills they learned on the gymnastics mat- agility, strength and determination- to a whole new scenario: self-defense.


After a tragic loss of a close friend, the potential of experiencing violence, directly or indirectly, became a reality for these young women. Guided by a personal coach from IMPACT Chicago, these teens took to the mats and learned to assess dangerous situations, set boundaries, and as a last resort- physically defend themselves.

“IMPACT has made me a stronger person, has built up my confidence and taught me to never underestimate myself. Learning these skills has made me more of a woman than I ever was before.” recalls Bri, a middle school student who recently completed IMPACT for Girls.


“IMPACT is a great experience to have and it teaches you that you're as strong as you feel you are against anyone, big or small. I really liked it and think you should give it a try!!!” Si, a middle school student, exclaims after completing IMPACT for Girls.




Jesse Holzman, IMPACT Grad and IMPACT 2013 Summer Intern

IMPACT is Also for Veterans!

Slowly but steadily, Felicia is getting her life back. She’d always struggled with low self-confidence. When she signed up for the US Navy, she thought she would finally feel safe. And then a horrible thing happened, something that she still can’t name. “When I was 19 years old, two of my battle buddies took something from me,” she says.

With Defense Secretary Chuck Hagel and Joint Chiefs Chairman General Martin Dempsey’s mid-May resolve to address this scourge, the United States Military is finally recognizing the extent of the sexual crimes being committed within its institution. The US House of Representatives has gone further by approving an additional 2-year mandatory prison sentence for sexual offenders in the military. These changes will be top-down mandates to punish offenders, protect whistle-blowers, and assist victims. There is yet another solution—one where women learn to defend themselves. The military doesn’t make “combatives” a priority [the army’s way of teaching hand-to-hand combat].

In contrast, IMPACT Chicago creates a safe environment to practice realistic, full-force self-defense techniques in simulated scenarios with a padded attacker and a personal coach. Women and girls report that IMPACT programs enhance personal freedom and safety and increase confidence in making peaceful choices for dealing with violence. Imagine if all women learned these skills as a matter of course in middle- and high school?

IMPACT is based on an understanding of violence, particularly gender-based violence, as a widespread social problem perpetuated by imbalances of power and disrespect for others. Since 1987, IMPACT Chicago has taught thousands of women how to use the voices and bodies they have to set boundaries and create a safer world for themselves, other women, and all people.

Underlying the IMPACT Chicago approach is an understanding of gender-based violence in institutionalized settings such as the military and why violence against women is prevalent yet under-reported; the importance of grass-roots approaches to changing the incidence of violence against women; and how women have used self-defense training to heal from past experiences.

The next IMPACT program for adults is September 20, 21, and 22 at Tribe, 1819 W. Belmont, Chicago, IL 60657. Visit impactchicago.org, info@impactchicago.org, or 773-561-9000.

AC Racette, IMPACT grad and IMPACT Administrative Team

From survivor to fighter

Once the feeling of safety is lost to trauma and violence, it can be a life-long journey to regain it. My safety is not dependent on another person. I walked the journey of victim to survivor, with the help of coaching, counseling and supportive family and friends. Martial arts helped me become strong physically, mentally and in spirit. Yet, I had a heightened level of empowerment to discover; I embraced this with IMPACT Chicago in September 2012.

I heard about IMPACT Chicago at the National Women’s Martial Arts Federation Summer Camp. I learned that IMPACT Chicago taught self-defense that was supportive of, yet different from, traditional martial arts. The IMPACT focus is on “application”. Techniques are simple, focused and effective. I learned language to discuss and let go of the paralyzing, horrifying experience of adrenaline when under assault. Training in the IMPACT Chicago Core Program taught me how I can use this human response to save my life. I learned to use my voice and energy to work through the freeze response. I have awoken options and choices I did not have before. I am more aware and I am present in the moment more often – self-defense is about being present. Amidst all these affirmations, a magical realization was happening unconsciously throughout the Core Program and that I realized upon graduation in our final circle. My great gift is I realized that not only I moved from victim to survivor, I moved from victim to survivor to fighter. I can and will fight for my better good now and for the better good of others.

I believe in IMPACT Chicago and tell friends about my experience. This past winter, my dear friend and neighbor Cathy joined me as we traveled from Canada to IMPACT Chicago. Cathy experienced the Core Program and I had the opportunity to volunteer as a Class Assistant. Even though it had been several months since my Core Program, I fought. My body remembered everything I had learned. I was stronger. It was a privilege to share this trip with my dear friend and we grew closer. I am very proud of Cathy and she, too, experienced new levels of empowerment! We have unique memories to share. I was very curious and open to learn from Martha, Rob and Bruce – I learned so much from this sensitive and professional instructing circle. I look forward to coming to IMPACT Chicago with my friend as we take the Multiple Assailants Class together.

Through my journey with IMPACT Chicago, I found a community of inspiring, knowledgeable and supportive people. I have strengthened an already strong friendship with my dear friend Cathy. I have options and choices that keep me safe. I live with a stronger sense of daily safety. I have skills and knowledge to share with my daughters and with others. I no longer internalize the feeling of powerlessness -- I internalize safety; I internalize My Power!

Kids Will Grow Up Safer, if Enough Potential Predators Get Their @$$%$ Kicked

At his last checkup, around his third birthday, my son Sam's most excellent pediatrician asked for his permission to touch his penis before examining it. Since then, Kate and I periodically will discuss with him who gets to touch him there (he does, mommy and daddy do and the doctor does, with Sam’s permission), and what to do if someone else touches him there, or tries to or asks to. Did I mention? He's THREE!

This is our world.

I'm about to begin my 21st year working for IMPACT Chicago, where I work with some of the most amazing people there are, to teach full-contact women's self-defense and rape prevention classes. This relates to what Kate and I are teaching our son because we live in world where predatory sexual violence happens. It happens, I'm convinced, in large part because the predators believe it is a low-risk crime to commit (that's not the only reason, of course, but it's a big one).

For years, IMPACT has been graduating classes of 9 to 16 women who have learned to ramp up predators’ risk level astronomically. If we do enough of that, maybe my son and daughter won't have to worry so much about teaching my grandchildren about who gets to touch them when they're three years old.

I've been doing this a long time. I've never met a woman who couldn't learn to defend herself. Please, look at the website, consider signing up or encouraging women you know to sign up. If enough potential predators get their asses kicked enough times, all our kids will grow up safer for it.


Mark Nessel, IMPACT Chicago Instructor

I Fight for the Better Good

by Patricia

I was abused as a child and became independent at the age of 16. Unfortunately, as an adult, I was a victim of assault; something I thought I had escaped forever. Through counseling and coaching and my own will, I have become a strong survivor and an advocate in my area for the homeless and women and children at risk. I have worked in outreach for over twenty years. I can relate to many stories that are shared with me at shelters and on the street and, as a result, share what helped me- with the hope that others may find their way through darkness.

I went into the IMPACT Core Program understanding that I fell victim to others’ violence and it was never my fault. I understood, soundly, that I was a survivor and that I was strong before I came to IMPACT; but, what I didn’t realize was, there was yet another threshold that I was about to face. I learned that there were times when I had fallen victim, then rose to become a survivor and became strong. Now I have risen, yet again, and have realized I am not only a survivor … I am a fighter. I fight for the better good- sometimes in a gentle way, sometimes in a fierce way- and I am very capable. That is very empowering for me to know and to understand about myself – for me to bring into a conscious awareness.

I broke through fears about my girls, one day, being harmed and now realize I cannot protect them by being fearful, but I can empower and teach them to protect themselves.



Two opportunities in March: Core Program, March 8, 9, 10 and IMPACT for Middle School Girls, March 16 and 17. Call 773-561-9000 or email info@impactchicago.org

A Can of Asshole-Away

Aga Kunska

 

Back in the late 90's I took IMPACT, and several years later, while in grad school, I used the verbal techniques to stop a verbal attack from escalating into a physical one.  I called Martha then and let her know.  Today, I used the same techniques to get rid of a man in the post office parking lot who blocked my car with his while trying to force literature on me and making inappropriate comments about my vote, all assumed of course, I had never spoken with him.  Worked like a charm.  I am delighted to tell you that it was like having a can of psychic Asshole-Away.  Even in broad daylight, I was delighted to have this great tool to use.  Knowing the language and the right attitude meant that while he was mostly harmless, but still inappropriate, he didn't have the power to intimidate me.  And, while he still tried the same thing once after I told him to go away, I saw his face change after I did that, it registered that he wasn't having the effect he wanted to have.  Thank you for that!