Kids Will Grow Up Safer, if Enough Potential Predators Get Their @$$%$ Kicked

At his last checkup, around his third birthday, my son Sam's most excellent pediatrician asked for his permission to touch his penis before examining it. Since then, Kate and I periodically will discuss with him who gets to touch him there (he does, mommy and daddy do and the doctor does, with Sam’s permission), and what to do if someone else touches him there, or tries to or asks to. Did I mention? He's THREE!

This is our world.

I'm about to begin my 21st year working for IMPACT Chicago, where I work with some of the most amazing people there are, to teach full-contact women's self-defense and rape prevention classes. This relates to what Kate and I are teaching our son because we live in world where predatory sexual violence happens. It happens, I'm convinced, in large part because the predators believe it is a low-risk crime to commit (that's not the only reason, of course, but it's a big one).

For years, IMPACT has been graduating classes of 9 to 16 women who have learned to ramp up predators’ risk level astronomically. If we do enough of that, maybe my son and daughter won't have to worry so much about teaching my grandchildren about who gets to touch them when they're three years old.

I've been doing this a long time. I've never met a woman who couldn't learn to defend herself. Please, look at the website, consider signing up or encouraging women you know to sign up. If enough potential predators get their asses kicked enough times, all our kids will grow up safer for it.


Mark Nessel, IMPACT Chicago Instructor

It Should Be Dangerous to Attack a Woman

I grew up in northern California, just a hop, skip and a jump from the Bay Area. I grew up with liberal parents who encouraged me to do anything, because I could and should! The world was my oyster! I never considered myself to be anything but strong and empowered. Then I flew the coop, jumped ship, made a break for it…in other words: COLLEGE. This is when I learned that not everyone is raised to believe women are equal, that we are strong and entitled to everything that men are. I chalked it up to new experiences, but this new world view really seeped into me insidiously. I started to forget that being strong and sure of one’s opinions was acceptable and should be encouraged.


Fast forward 10 years through two master’s degrees from California and Upstate New York to this west coast girl settling into a cautious Midwestern existence in Chicago. I had connections to a few friends, one of whom was dating a guy who helped teach self-defense. I filed self-defense away as something that would be good to learn, but not necessarily needed. Then, I was followed home. It wasn’t a huge deal at the time…but I was frightened.


The next day I signed up for that self-defense class and…I woke up. In one weekend, I was reminded of that sassy and spirited gal who left California so long ago, and I was deeply saddened. If I was subconsciously being pushed down by the seemingly latent messages of female inferiority….what about the women who were experiencing it openly? Why was it still happening? What could I do? Well, I learned that what I can do is fight.


So five years later, I’ve become an instructor. It took two years of training and work, but in light of the statistics it didn’t feel like there was any other option for me. IMPACT Chicago teaches full-force, fully adrenalized self-defense for women and girls. We use padded male instructors so women can learn what it feels like to hit something and that they do have the strength and power to do it. We also provide an opportunity to learn and practice prevention, assessment, and verbal boundary setting because we emphasize that no one should engage in physical altercations if they can avoid it. But knowing your body can back it up if you’re in danger adds so much weight to the message. We teach women they are worth taking care of.


Consider how revolutionary it will be when it becomes a very dangerous thing to attack a woman. Consider how different the world will look, because right now, there are no consequences and the mentality that “she was asking for it” still exists and is tacitly approved by society. Even now. So we start with 15 women at a time and we teach their muscles how to remember what to do when that adrenaline rush hits and their fine motor skills go out the window, and if they feel empowered along the way to change the world a little bit themselves, then we’ve done our job.


Molly Norris, IMPACT Chicago Instructor

Your Connections Count : IMPACT as Part of Your Social Network

“Social networks are these intricate things of beauty, and they’re so elaborate and so complex and so ubiquitous that one has to ask what purpose they serve,” declares Nicholas Christakis in his TED talk from 2010. According to Christakis, our networks serve us in many ways from affecting our body size to our level of happiness. Perhaps someone in your social network introduced you to IMPACT after they had graduated from the Core. Maybe you then invited your mother, or sister, or friend to experience it as well.


We are often reminded that personal connections are the most common reasons individuals first engage with IMPACT Chicago. (It’s true - please, keep telling your friends!) But now, we are seeing even more clearly how your personal and professional relationships can influence the organization as it moves forward and seeks to empower even more women and girls.

The message is simple - your connections count! Certainly they are important to you, but they are also important to IMPACT in ways you may have never realized. IMPACT graduate connections have helped us find places to host programs, have invited us to teach self-defense workshops, and have assisted us in printing posters and fliers.

We need the power of your social networks to continue our work! Will you help spread the word about IMPACT to your connections? Everyone has something to contribute! Consider these questions:

• Do you have a favorite local restaurant or café that would partner with us to post fliers or sponsor coupons?
• Are you a member of a gym that might host a workshop?
• Does your workplace or place of worship have a space in which we could host a program?
• Do you volunteer with an organization whose members/staff could benefit from our self-defense training?

Please consider sharing the work of IMPACT within your realms of influence. If you like, we can even coach you so that the conversations you have with your contacts can be most effective! If you are open to linking IMPACT with one of your connections, please email Katie Kramer for more information. As Christakis noted “Social networks are these intricate things of beauty…” Let’s join our networks and make something even more beautiful.

Katie Kramer, IMPACT Chicago Grad and Board Member

IMPACT Grads Teach Kids to Use Their Voices

On the winter solstice in 2012--a time for gathering and sharing stories--I interviewed three women in a family spanning three generations. Nilda, the grandmother, Lili, the mother and Angie, the daughter about to go to college, have all taken IMPACT. Nilda and Lili took the Core Program almost 30 years ago, before Angie was born. Lili and Angie have also taken the Advanced Programs.

Nilda [grandmother]: For me and for most women of my generation, the need to be polite, to not cause a problem and certainly to not initiate something like  “Stay Away!." Angie [granddaughter] wasn’t raised like I was. Still, without IMPACT, you don’t think to challenge someone to not come closer towards you when you’re feeling uncomfortable.

Lili [mother]: I think we even grow up to believe that we’re defusing it by averting our gaze or diminishing ourselves, instead of being present and standing our ground, which is what IMPACT teaches. It’s the opposite of what I always thought.  It’s more dangerous not to do stand our ground... to shrink and appear to be submissive.

Angie: I was raised differently because they [Lili and Nilda] have been through IMPACT. They said, "If something is wrong, you speak up". When kids said mean things in grade school, I’d step up and say "no". I wasn’t one to back down. In 4th grade, there was a boy who asked me inappropriate questions and it pissed me off; it was none of his business. I would tell him off. The teachers would get so angry and call in my parents and say "That’s not the way to raise a daughter. That may work on the street but that’s not how she’s supposed to be". My parents were furious because they were trying to counteract that trend with the training they’d been exposed to with IMPACT.

Lili: When Angie was 12, a teacher had a problem with my daughter. I called a conference with him. He starts to tell me that Angie is taking things into her own hands and, if she has a confrontation, she should come to a staff member. I said, “That’s not how I raised her. A staff member won’t always be around. She’s going to handle confrontations the way we taught her”. I pointed out that he might be having a problem with strong girls and women. After that, he never gave Angie a problem again.

Nilda: Just the change in the way we raise our kids after IMPACT is meaningful.

Lili: Angie wasn’t even born when I took the Core Program. When my three children were 3 or 4 years old on up, we would have our drills. I would talk to them about using their voice...that it was a weapon. If anyone came near them that they didn’t feel comfortable with, or people that they got a bad vibe from, they were to use their voice. We would practice yelling “No!” and stomping their feet just like we do in IMPACT. They loved that. They loved learning to bring the energy up. I felt I was teaching them to set a boundary and I learned that in IMPACT.

Nilda: Baby IMPACT! [Cheers]

I Said No to Unwanted Touch

It was about 7pm in the evening when I walked home from school; the sun was still out. I live on a pretty busy, main street and sometimes I take the back road by the university park because it's quicker. Ironically, that day I decided to walk on the main street, thinking, 'I'll just take it so it is safer.' That day, it didn't matter whether it was a busy street or not. Along the sidewalk, a woman was walking her dog a little ahead of me and a man was hanging out in front of the 7-11. He was a familiar man who I've seen frequent the main street, especially during the summertime, asking people for money. I walked past him, we made eye contact and he asked me for change. I said "Sorry" and kept walking. In the matter of a second, he reached out his right hand and went to grab my left arm, all the while saying something under his breath with a creepy smirk on his face and all I heard was "so pretty."

Instinctively, I moved my arm out of the way as his fingertips brushed my left arm and the firm words "No. No." escaped from my mouth. Just as unexpectedly and quickly as it happened, it also quickly ended. He didn't pursue me and I walked on - calm, but felt the fire burning inside. My hands were gloved, but I was 100% certain that if it really had to, the heel of my right hand would have popped him in the nose/face. I knew my body was going to protect me, even before I could think it. Perhaps that's why I felt so calm walking on, yet fierce inside…ready for a fight. My awareness was heightened, as I kept walking and turning back to check and see that he was not following me, until I made it back to my place.

I suppose I might've been in sort of a daze, because the reality of what just happened hadn't caught up to me yet. It was only after I placed a call into the non-emergency campus police to notify them of the event and after I shared what happened with my friends and family, that I then felt the tightness in my chest. It was my body remembering the event, almost like the traumatic energy was trapped inside. I kept thinking back on what I could have done differently - I should have screamed out loud "NO! DON'T TOUCH ME! BACK OFF! I DON'T KNOW YOU! HELP!" or I should have let the heel of my hand strike him in the face so hard he wouldn't know what hit him. I should have kept my distance before I passed him. All of these thoughts came to me after the event - all of the strategies I had learned at IMPACT. I almost doubted myself, feeling embarrassed and ashamed that I hadn't done more; more for myself, more for others who were, could have been or will be victims of such events.

But, I thought, the bottom line is: I am safe. And I would have done all those things in my after-thoughts, had the situation truly required me to do so for my safety. Although I wasn't physically harmed, the man's intent of physically putting his hands on me should not be minimized and is a serious matter. It is NOT OK and NEVER WILL IT BE OK to lay a hand on someone else without their permission.

I feel like this event was a wake-up reminder, to stay on my toes, sustain my awareness of my
surroundings and never take for granted the value of my safety. I was proud of myself; I felt empowered. I trusted my instincts and my body. This wouldn't have been possible had I not taken the Core Program at IMPACT Chicago. I am forever indebted to this program and to my instructors, the assistants and my fellow classmates. I ended up sharing what happened with a few of my classmates and one of them expressed, 'I'm so glad you are  ok, so glad the training kicked in! I hope you heard me screaming "no" as loud as I could in your head when that happened. We stand for each other.'

That's how I will always remember it: we are in it together, all of us who face these kinds of events. We stand with and for each other, to say NO to violence and YES to life.

Linda Tran, IMPACT Graduate

Flying Chairs and Flying Punches: I Stopped A Fight

I work at a shelter for the homeless. I have volunteered doing street outreach and working at shelters for the past twenty years. Due to my own experiences growing up, I often hear myself say, “I feel at home with our homeless”. I understand how easily someone’s life can turn and it is often one decision, one choice or one circumstance that differentiates someone from experiencing health and a more manageable road in life versus someone who experiences addiction and mental illness.

At the shelter where I work, many of our guests are not welcome at other local shelters due to their aggressive nature and addictions. And, at the same time, we have families, couples and individuals come who simply do not have enough money to put food on their table; however, they do have a place to sleep. It is a mix of ages, genders, backgrounds and needs. Due to the variety of guests, it can be a difficult environment to manage.

From time to time, tension mounts at the shelter and we know ahead of time there is going to be trouble. This is what happened on a Saturday evening, when we were short on volunteers. When we get opposing groups at the shelter, we know things can go from bad to worse very quickly. Typically, the groups stay at opposite ends of the dining hall and keep separate but on Saturday night tensions grew. On Friday at the local soup kitchen, there was a stabbing which involved members of these two groups. Our coordinator came to me and she asked who, from my team, would be willing to leave the kitchen if she was in need of help. I told her that I would be willing to assist, as well as one other member of my team who has past experience working at a men’s shelter. As I was uneasy, I shared some options and ideas with her to ensure safety.

Just when everything felt calm and I was doing a walk-through in the dining hall and clearing up some tables, something drew my attention. I found myself between two opposing members who were posturing at one another. There wasn’t a lot of time to move except to dodge a lunged punch, that was not meant for me, and then to move out of the way of a flying chair, again, not meant for me. Then, my voice just happened. In a few seconds, everything was calm again but so much happened in those few seconds. I yelled “stop”, “no fighting”, “no fighting” and kept repeating myself holding my arms up. I did not scream...I was yelling and kept repeating the same thing. My energy grew and my energy and words accomplished two things: first of all, the two stopped fighting and trying to get to one another and were backing up, as though my energy was pushing them and, secondly, it created space between them, but, also space away from me. The more I kept repeating, the more space was created. Within seconds, the coordinator and my friend from the kitchen joined me between them and secured the space. Then, I was able to calmly talk them down and split them up between two other workers to take it from there.

What was different this time, from other times over the past twenty years, is the confidence, belief and energy that was within me – particularly the energy! This wasn’t a new situation, but each time in the past I felt the adrenaline rush and it would take time to come down from the adrenalized state. But, this was different; my energy was big, I was bigger than before, I was more resourceful and I had the energy of my entire class circle with me which, I believe, acted in a way to create space. All of the women’s energy and the energy of Rob and Ben (suited instructors) was with me along with my own. No weapons were drawn, groups were separated and people were escorted to different locations. Our coordinator shook her head and smiled, as she said it surprised her how someone with a gentle presence could be so powerful.

The newest part of this experience for me is, while I had all of your energy with me and the energy of my circle after things were defused, I realized I went from zero to 60 and from 60 to zero, but didn’t have the same intense adrenaline response I would have had to work through before. My body felt natural for the first time, while responding in that state, and then in returning to visiting with guests. That was new for me. That night when I went to bed, I worked through all of the emotions that come with a situation like that, all the thoughts and “what if’s”, but, worked through them more quickly than in the past, reassuring myself and creating strong feelings of safety. The process of creating my safety happened in moments as I was falling into a restful sleep which, in the past, would have taken me some time...even days.

Patricia, 2012, IMPACT Core Program graduate

A Mother’s Day Gift to Span the Generation: Happiness that Comes from Empowerment

Interview with three generations of IMPACT graduates: Nilda (grandmother), Lili (mother) and Angie (daughter).

Angie: I was trying to explain, to my boyfriend at the time, about how great my first experience with IMPACT was, how excited I was to take another class and he was weirded-out [chuckles]. I encouraged him to come to the graduation, but, no, he couldn’t handle it. He saw me do a couple of muggings and he was nervous, because he noticed I had a smile on my face and wondered whether I was getting some enjoyment out of it. I tried to explain it wasn’t sadism, it was happiness that comes from empowerment. Needless to say, that relationship didn’t last much longer.

Nilda: It’s true, there’s a certain joy in knowing you have the tools and the wherewithal to ward off something aggressive from someone close to you.

Lili: There’s a freedom in knowing when my mother and my daughter go out; I don’t have to be concerned about them.

N: I feel the same.

L: Nilda’s best friend took IMPACT, too, shortly after Nilda did. When I think of them going out to plays, I think of them as double-trouble. Nobody out there could imagine that these two elderly ladies have this ability to take out bad guys. They would be quite surprised!

N: It’s true, what I learned in IMPACT. Even not knowing the why behind all this, I tried not to look like a victim and walk confidently, but I was scared. I have met so many women and I know only one person who has reached my age and hasn’t had anything happen to her. But, it may be that it’s the way she walked [in] her life. In most cases, they won’t consider IMPACT because they’re frightened to protect themselves.

L: As Angie said, “I don’t want to think about it”. At times, I’ve been very frustrated that I can’t convince someone that this is money and time well spent. I talk to a person I barely know and she jumps on it and I get to attend her graduation. Other people to whom I keep bringing it up, it doesn’t seem to go anywhere. How do you get women to sign up?

N: The excuse is “I’m not interested” or “I don’t have the time, my life is too complicated right now”. The information is out there and those who are ready will come across it. The Internet is the best way to find out about IMPACT. Before the Internet, I talked to a group of women on the Metra about IMPACT because I overheard them talking about how difficult it is to go about one’s business after nightfall. I just feel IMPACT has to be everywhere and easily accessible.

AC Racette interviewed Nilda, Lili, and Angie on December 21, 2012.