Monday, May 15, 2017

Facing Sexual Harassment

Women deal with street harassment all the time. Usually it comes in the form of being stared at, or a comment directed at our appearance. It’s irritating, but not usually worth responding. There are times, however, when a response is necessary. 

In the winter of 2017, I encountered two instances of aggressive public sexual harassment. The first one happened on the street as I was coming around a corner. A man was there asking for spare change, and when he saw me he turned and said “Whoa, baby”, while looking me up and down. Then he asked for money. I told him I didn’t have any and kept walking. He started following me, continuing to ask for money but in a tone that was sexually suggestive. I turned around, looked him in the eye, and said “I have nothing for you.” He looked shocked and stopped talking, so I turned back around to walk away. He called me a bitch and something else I didn’t hear clearly, but I didn’t care. He wasn’t following or talking to me anymore, which was the goal. 

The second instance happened a few weeks later on an L platform. As I was waiting for the train, a man came up the stairs onto the platform and said “Damn! She is fine! Look at that ass!” He was so loud that the whole platform probably heard him. I didn’t
think he was talking about me, though, because I wasn’t anywhere near him. But then he walked up to me and started talking about my body, what it looked like, and what he’d like to do to it. I told him to leave me alone, but every time I opened my mouth to speak, he spoke louder in order to drown me out. So I stopped talking, turned to face him, and looked him square in the eyes. I didn’t blink or flinch, just kept my gaze locked with his. Eventually he got the point, called me a bitch, and walked away. Later on, after we’d all gotten on the train, he caused problems in another car. It was so bad that the conductor had to get off the train at the next stop and walk down the platform to sort everything out. The conductor had to physically remove him from the train, almost resulting in a fist fight.

Both incidents were upsetting and scary, and things could have gone much worse if I had handled them differently. The men I encountered were predators, and predators feed on fear. I wasn’t afraid of them, though. I was angry. Livid, actually. How dare they treat me like a plaything? I am more than that, and I let them see it. I am also proud because I didn’t let the anger take over and cloud my judgement, and instead I used it to fuel the faith I have in my ability to protect myself. In these instances, I didn’t have to do any more than stand tall and look them in the eyes with no fear. I was willing to do more if I had to, and was standing strong and ready, just in case. They saw this and considered me to be more trouble than I was worth.

I know many women who would have been afraid of these men, and they would have
let that fear show.  Because of that, these kinds of situations could go very poorly for them. It makes me mad, both that there are women who don’t have the training I have, and also that they need it. I want the world to be a better place, and there are things I can to do help make that happen. I have been an assistant teacher at Thousand Waves Martial Arts and Self-Defense Center for three of the six years I’ve been training there, and these two incidents inspired me to expand that role. I am now a full martial arts instructor, and also an assistant self-defense teacher. 

I am strong. I am fierce. And, because of that, I am safe. I strive to reach as many people I can, sharing my experience, tools, and skills so that they, too, will be safe.

Tabitha Olson
1st degree Black Belt
Seido Karate
Thousand Waves Martial Arts and Self-Defense Center
 Facing Street Harassment
Women deal with street harassment all the time. Usually it comes in the form o
f being stared at, or a
comment directed at our appearance.
It
s
irritating, but not usually worth responding. There are times,
however, when a response is necessary.
In the winter of 2017, I encountered two instances of aggressive public sex
ual harassment. The first one
happened on the street as I was coming around a corner. A man was
th
ere asking for spare change, and
when he saw me
he
turned and said
Whoa, baby
while looking me up and down. Then he asked for
money. I told him I didn
t have any and kept walking. He started following me, continuing to
ask for
money but in a tone that was sexually suggestive. I turned around, l
ooked him in the eye, and said
I
have nothing for you.
He looked shocked and stopped talking, so I turned back around to
walk away.
He called me a bitch and something else I didn
t
hear clearly, but I didn
t care. He wasn
t following or
talking to me anymore, which was the goal.
The second instance happened a few weeks later on an
L
platform. As I was waiting for the train, a man
came up the stairs onto the platform and said
Damn! She is fine! Look at that ass!
He was so loud that
the whole platform probably heard him. I didn
t
think he was talking about me, though, because I wasn
t
anywhere near him. But then he walked up to me and started talking about
my body, what it looked like,
and what he
d like to do to it. I told him to leave me alone, but every t
ime I opened my mouth to speak,
he spoke louder in order to drown me out. So I stopped talking, tu
rned to face him, and looked him
square in the eyes. I didn
t blink or flinch, just kept my gaze locked with his. Eventually
he got the point,
called me a bitch, and walked away. Later on, after we
d all gotten on the train, he caused problems in
another car. It was so bad that the conductor had to get off the t
rain at the next stop and walk down the
platform to sort everything out. The conductor had to physicall
y remove him from the train, almost
resulting in a fist fight.
Both incidents were upsetting and scary
,
and things could have gone much worse if I had handled them
differently.
Th
e men I encountered were predators, and predators feed on fear. I wasn
t afraid of them
,
though. I was angry. Livid, actually. How dare they treat me like a pl
aything? I am more than that, and
I
let them see it. I am also proud because I didn
t let
th
e anger take over and cloud my judgement, and
instead used it to fuel the faith I have in my ability to protect my
self. In these instances, I didn
t have to
do any more than stand tall and look them in the eyes with no fear. I
was willing to do more if I had to
,
and was standing strong and ready, just in case. They saw this and considered
me to be more trouble
than I was worth.
I know many women who would have been afraid of these men, and they would have
let that fear show.
Because of that, these kinds of situations could go very poorly for them
. It makes me mad, both that
there are women who don
t have the training I have, and also that they need it. I want the
world to be a
better place, and there are things I can to do help make that happen. I h
ave been an assistant teacher at
Thousand Waves Martial Arts and Self-Defense Center for three of the six years I
ve been training there
,
and these two incidents inspired me to expand that role. I am now a ful
l martial arts instructor, and also
an assistant self-defense teacher.
I am strong. I am fierce. And, because of that, I am safe. I strive to reac
h as many people I can, sharing
my experience, tools, and skills so that they, too, will be safe. Facing Street Harassment
Women deal with street harassment all the time. Usually it comes in the form o
f being stared at, or a
comment directed at our appearance.
It
s
irritating, but not usually worth responding. There are times,
however, when a response is necessary.
In the winter of 2017, I encountered two instances of aggressive public sex
ual harassment. The first one
happened on the street as I was coming around a corner. A man was
th
ere asking for spare change, and
when he saw me
he
turned and said
Whoa, baby
while looking me up and down. Then he asked for
money. I told him I didn
t have any and kept walking. He started following me, continuing to
ask for
money but in a tone that was sexually suggestive. I turned around, l
ooked him in the eye, and said
I
have nothing for you.
He looked shocked and stopped talking, so I turned back around to
walk away.
He called me a bitch and something else I didn
t
hear clearly, but I didn
t care. He wasn
t following or
talking to me anymore, which was the goal.
The second instance happened a few weeks later on an
L
platform. As I was waiting for the train, a man
came up the stairs onto the platform and said
Damn! She is fine! Look at that ass!
He was so loud that
the whole platform probably heard him. I didn
t
think he was talking about me, though, because I wasn
t
anywhere near him. But then he walked up to me and started talking about
my body, what it looked like,
and what he
d like to do to it. I told him to leave me alone, but every t
ime I opened my mouth to speak,
he spoke louder in order to drown me out. So I stopped talking, tu
rned to face him, and looked him
square in the eyes. I didn
t blink or flinch, just kept my gaze locked with his. Eventually
he got the point,
called me a bitch, and walked away. Later on, after we
d all gotten on the train, he caused problems in
another car. It was so bad that the conductor had to get off the t
rain at the next stop and walk down the
platform to sort everything out. The conductor had to physicall
y remove him from the train, almost
resulting in a fist fight.
Both incidents were upsetting and scary
,
and things could have gone much worse if I had handled them
differently.
Th
e men I encounteFacing Street Harassment
Women deal with street harassment all the time. Usually it comes in the form o
f being stared at, or a
comment directed at our appearance.
It
s
irritating, but not usually worth responding. There are times,
however, when a response is necessary.
In the winter of 2017, I encountered two instances of aggressive public sex
ual harassment. The first one
happened on the street as I was coming around a corner. A man was
th
ere asking for spare change, and
when he saw me
he
turned and said
Whoa, baby
while looking me up and down. Then he asked for
money. I told him I didn
t have any and kept walking. He started following me, continuing to
ask for
money but in a tone that was sexually suggestive. I turned around, l
ooked him in the eye, and said
I
have nothing for you.
He looked shocked and stopped talking, so I turned back around to
walk away.
He called me a bitch and something else I didn
t
hear clearly, but I didn
t care. He wasn
t following or
talking to me anymore, which was the goal.
The second instance happened a few weeks later on an
L
platform. As I was waiting for the train, a man
came up the stairs onto the platform and said
Damn! She is fine! Look at that ass!
He was so loud that
the whole platform probably heard him. I didn
t
think he was talking about me, though, because I wasn
t
anywhere near him. But then he walked up to me and started talking about
my body, what it looked like,
and what he
d like to do to it. I told him to leave me alone, but every t
ime I opened my mouth to speak,
he spoke louder in order to drown me out. So I stopped talking, tu
rned to face him, and looked him
square in the eyes. I didn
t blink or flinch, just kept my gaze locked with his. Eventually
he got the point,
called me a bitch, and walked away. Later on, after we
d all gotten on the train, he caused problems in
another car. It was so bad that the conductor had to get off the t
rain at the next stop and walk down the
platform to sort everything out. The conductor had to physicall
y remove him from the train, almost
resulting in a fist fight.
Both incidents were upsetting and scary
,
and things could have gone much worse if I had handled them
differently.
Th
e men I encountered were predators, and predators feed on fear. I wasn
t afraid of them
,
though. I was angry. Livid, actually. How dare they treat me like a pl
aything? I am more than that, and
I
let them see it. I am also proud because I didn
t let
th
e anger take over and cloud my judgement, and
instead used it to fuel the faith I have in my ability to protect my
self. In these instances, I didn
t have to
do any more than stand tall and look them in the eyes with no fear. I
was willing to do more if I had to
,
and was standing strong and ready, just in case. They saw this and considered
me to be more trouble
than I was worth.
I know many women who would have been afraid of these men, and they would have
let that fear show.
Because of that, these kinds of situations could go very poorly for them
. It makes me mad, both that
there are women who don
t have the training I have, and also that they need it. I want the
world to be a
better place, and there are things I can to do help make that happen. I h
ave been an assistant teacher at
Thousand Waves Martial Arts and Self-Defense Center for three of the six years I
ve been training there
,
and these two incidents inspired me to expand that role. I am now a ful
l martial arts instructor, and also
an assistant self-defense teacher.
I am strong. I am fierce. And, because of that, I am safe. I strive to reac
h as many people I can, sharing
my experience, tools, and skills so that they, too, will be safe. red were predators, and predators feed on fear. I wasn
t afraid of them
,
though. I was angry. Livid, actually. How dare they treat me like a pl
aything? I am more than that, and
I
let them see it. I am also proud because I didn
t let
th
e anger take over and cloud my judgement, and
instead used it to fuel the faith I have in my ability to protect my
self. In these instances, I didn
t have to
do any more than stand tall and look them in the eyes with no fear. I
was willing to do more if I had to
,
and was standing strong and ready, just in case. They saw this and considered
me to be more trouble
than I was worth.
I know many women who would have been afraid of these men, and they would have
let that fear show.
Because of that, these kinds of situations could go very poorly for them
. It makes me mad, both that
there are women who don
t have the training I have, and also that they need it. I want the
world to be a
better place, and there are things I can to do help make that happen. I h
ave been an assistant teacher at
Thousand Waves Martial Arts and Self-Defense Center for three of the six years I
ve been training there
,
and these two incidents inspired me to expand that role. I am now a ful
l martial arts instructor, and also
an assistant self-defense teacher.
I am strong. I am fierce. And, because of that, I am safe. I strive to reac
h as many people I can, sharing
my experience, tools, and skills so that they, too, will be safe.

Monday, May 8, 2017

Passing It On: Being an IMPACT Mom


Martha with granddaughter & daughter
With Mother’s Day coming up this weekend, I have been thinking about IMPACT and parenting. I’ve been an IMPACT Instructor for 29 years, making me an IMPACT Mom since my daughter was 6. When she was a teenager, she would bring boys she was dating to IMPACT graduations. I now have a granddaughter and joyfully see my daughter and son-in-law teaching her consent and respect for her own and others’ boundaries.
In honor of Mother’s Day, I asked other IMPACT staff who are moms in what ways IMPACT has influenced their parenting. 

IMPACT Chicago Instructor Molly says:
As a parent, IMPACT has given me insight into teaching consent and respecting the requests of my children with regard to their bodies. I definitely have to stop myself sometimes when I find myself saying something that may seem innocuous, but upon reflection, is actually perpetuating negative ideas about consent. Being a parent is the hardest and best job I have ever had, and having complicated conversations is part of that. IMPACT has helped broaden my awareness of ways to counter the messages we receive about who we should be, what we should look like, and how we should behave toward each other.
Molly & daughter practicing their verbal boundary setting skills
IMPACT Chicago Office Coordinator Kathleen says:

My daughter was my motivator through Core. She was in my mind as I delivered blows with tears in my eyes. I’ve never been particularly afraid or concerned for my safety, but once she came into my life I worried for her. The greatest outcome of taking Core and DAAR was unexpected. Sure, I feel like I can protect myself and my daughter. That was the goal. But I didn’t realize that modeling strength would be so powerful. After taking Core and DAAR, after watching and learning from Katie, Margaret, Molly and Martha, after being supported and “threatened” by Rob, Mark, Ben and Nat, I walked away with a confidence that I didn’t expect. 

Kathleen & daughter
Parenting is hard and I really struggle with instilling my daughter with confidence and self-worth. She often tells me that she isn’t strong. She’s the smallest in her class and other kids tell her she isn’t strong, so she believes it. I put a lot of effort into reassuring her and building her up, but it barely makes a dent in her middle-school aged self-doubt. She is a child during a strange time when toys are labeled for either boys or girls, and girls are expected to start dreaming of their wedding when they are young. To try to counteract the more plentiful examples of meek, weak and helpless girls who give up much of themselves, I intentionally seek out movies and books with girls and women in strong lead roles. But since I’ve taken IMPACT classes I have another weapon against the weak girl stereotype. I make no secret of how badass taking those classes makes me feel. I tell her how strong I am. I tell her how strong my classmates are. I tell her how strong the teachers and my co-workers are. I didn’t expect IMPACT to affect my parenting. I didn’t know that I would walk away with the bonus to getting to model this level of strength and confidence to my child. She knows I am strong and she’s looking forward to taking the IMPACT Girls Program this summer so she can prove how strong she is.

It is very inspiring to realize ways that we all, whether Moms or not, can pass on what we have learned in IMPACT to the next generation and beyond.
Martha Thompson
IMPACT Instructor
Administrative Co-Chair


Monday, May 1, 2017

IMPACT for People with Disabilities Comes to Chicago

IMPACT:Ability Trainers Mandy & Mike with IMPACT Chicago Ben, Martha, Rob, Deb, & Katie
IMPACT Chicago just returned from Boston where five of us—Ben, Deb, Katie, Martha, and Rob—received training in IMPACT:Ability, a program where people with disabilities learn to protect themselves and make positive, safe choices. IMPACT Boston Mandy Doyle and Mike Perry with assistance from Myranda Pierce, offered a thoughtful, well-organized and inspiring training.  Thank you to Mal Malme for running the Chicago marathon to raise money for the training, the many donors who contributed, and to Meg Stone, Executive Director of IMPACT Boston for her inspiration and support.
Katie in IMPACT:Ability Practice Class
The topics covered and skills taught in IMPACT:Ability include:
  • Refusing unwanted help from a stranger
  • Refusing unwanted attention while commuting on public transportation
  • Escaping an attempted abduction
  • Deflecting and escaping a bullying situation at school
  • Assertive communication with peers around issues including gossip and pressure to drink or use drugs
  • Resisting unwanted sexual touch from a caregiver or adult, including workplace sexual harassment
  • Resisting attempted sexual assault by a dating partner or peer
  • Assertive communication with personal care attendants and others

For more information or to organize an IMPACT:Ability program, contact info@impactchicago.org.


Deb in IMPACT:Ability Practice Class
Martha and Ben in Practice Class